What is bullying?

Bullying is when a person or group repeatedly harms someone on purpose. It can be physical, social, and/or verbal. It is harmful to both the victims and the bullies, and it always involves

• Aggressive behavior.
• A difference in power, meaning that the victim is weaker or is seen as weaker. For example, bullies may try to use physical strength, embarrassing information, or popularity to harm others.
• Repetition, meaning it happens more than once or that it probably will happen again

What are the types of bullying?

There are three types of bullying:

• Physical bullying involves hurting a person's body or belongings. Examples include hitting, kicking, and stealing or breaking someone's stuff.
• Social bullying (also called relational bullying) hurts someone's reputation or relationships. Some examples are spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public, and making someone feel left out.
• Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things, including name-calling, taunting, and threatening

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is bullying that happens through text messages or online. It could be through emails, social media, forums, or gaming. Some examples are

• Posting rumors on social media
• Sharing embarrassing pictures or videos online
• Sharing someone else's private information online (doxing)
• Making threats against someone online
• Creating fake accounts and posting information to embarrass someone

Certain types of cyberbullying can be illegal. The laws on cyberbullying are different from state to state.

How is cyberbullying different from bullying?

Cyberbullying is a type of bullying, but there are some differences between the two. Cyberbullying can be

• Anonymous - people can hide their identities when they are online or using a cell phone
• Persistent - people can send messages instantly, at any time of the day or night
• Permanent - a lot of electronic communication is permanent and public, unless it's reported and removed. A bad online reputation can affect getting into college, getting a job, and other areas of life. This applies to the bully as well.
• Hard to notice - teachers and parents may not overhear or see cyberbullying taking place

Who is at risk of being bullied?

Kids are at a higher risk of being bullied if they

• Are seen as different from their peers, such as being overweight or underweight, dressing differently, or being of a different race/ethnicity
• Are seen as weak
• Have depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem
• Don't have many friends or are less popular
• Don't socialize well with others
• Have an intellectual or developmental disability

Who is at risk of being a bully?

There are two types of kids who are more likely to bully others:

• Kids who are well-connected to peers, have social power, are overly worried about popularity, and like to be in charge of others
• Kids who are more isolated from peers, may be depressed or anxious, have low self-esteem, are easily pressured by peers, and have trouble understanding other people's feelings

There are certain factors that make someone more likely to be a bully. They include

• Being aggressive or easily frustrated
• Having trouble at home, such as violence or bullying in the home or having uninvolved parents
• Having trouble following rules
• Seeing violence positively
• Having friends who bully others

What are the effects of bullying?

Bullying is a serious problem that causes harm. And it doesn't just hurt the person who is being bullied; it can also be harmful for the bullies and for any kids who witness the bullying.

Kids who are bullied can have problems at school and with their mental and physical health. They are at risk for

• Depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. These problems sometimes last into adulthood.
• Health complaints, including headaches and stomachaches
• Lower grades and test scores
• Missing and dropping out of school

Kids who bully others have a higher risk for substance use, problems in school, and violence later in life.

Kids who witness bullying are more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol and have mental health problems. They may also miss or skip school.

What are the signs of being bullied?

Often, kids who are being bullied don't report it. They may fear a backlash from the bully, or they may think that no one cares. Sometimes they feel too ashamed to talk about it. So it is important to know the signs of a bullying problem:

• Depression, loneliness, or anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Headaches, stomachaches, or poor eating habits
• Disliking school, not wanting to go to school, or getting worse grades than before
• Self-destructive behaviors, such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide
• Unexplained injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations

How do you help someone who is being bullied?

To help a child who is being bullied, support the child and address the bullying behavior:

• Listen and focus on the child. Learn what's been going on and show you want to help.
• Assure the child that bullying is not his/her fault
• Know that kids who are bullied may struggle with talking about it. Consider referring them to a school counselor, psychologist, or other mental health service.
• Give advice about what to do. This may involve role-playing and thinking through how the child might react if the bullying occurs again.
• Work together to resolve the situation and protect the bullied child. The child, parents, and school or organization should be part of the solution.
• Follow up. Bullying may not end overnight. Make sure that the child knows that you are committed to making it stop.
• Make sure that the bully knows that his or her behavior is wrong and harms others
• Show kids that bullying is taken seriously. Make it clear to everyone that the bullying will not be tolerated.

People of all ages can be bullied. Bullying may take place at home, school, or work.

• A 2013 survey from the National Center for Education Statistics found that bullying continues to affect many school-aged children: Slightly more than 1 out of 5 students in middle and high school experienced “traditional” bullying at school during the 2012–2013 school year. Six percent of students ages 12 to 18 reported that they had been pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on during the school year. Of these students, 22% reported being injured in the event.
• The 2013 survey found that, during the same school year, 7% of students reported being cyberbullied.
• Data from the 2015 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicate that about 20% of U.S. students in grades 9 through 12 experienced bullying on school property within the last year.

Signs of bullying include:

• Depression, loneliness, or anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Headaches, stomachaches, tiredness, or poor eating habits
• Missing school, disliking school, or having poorer school performance than previously
• Self-destructive behaviors, such as running away from home or inflicting harm on oneself
• Thinking about suicide or attempting to commit suicide
• Unexplained injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations

Bullying can affect physical and emotional health, both in the short term and later in life. It can lead to physical injury, social problems, emotional problems, and even death. Those who are bullied are at increased risk for mental health problems, headaches, and problems adjusting to school. Bullying also can cause long-term damage to self-esteem.

Children and adolescents who are bullies are at increased risk for substance use, academic problems, and violence to others later in life.

Those who are both bullies and victims of bullying suffer the most serious effects of bullying and are at greater risk for mental and behavioral problems than those who are only bullied or who are only bullies.

NICHD research studies show that anyone involved with bullying—those who bully others, those who are bullied, and those who bully and are bullied—are at increased risk for depression.

NICHD-funded research studies also found that unlike traditional forms of bullying, youth who are bullied electronically—such as by computer or cell phone—are at higher risk for depression than the youth who bully them. Even more surprising, the same studies found that cyber victims were at higher risk for depression than were cyberbullies or bully-victims (i.e., those who both bully others and are bullied themselves), which was not found in any other form of bullying.

Those who are at risk of being bullied may have one or more risk factors:

• Are seen as different from their peers (e.g., overweight, underweight, wear their hair differently, wear different clothing or wear glasses, or come from a different race/ethnicity)
• Are seen as weak or not able to defend themselves
• Are depressed, anxious, or have low self-esteem
• Have few friends or are less popular
• Do not socialize well with others
• Suffer from an intellectual or developmental disability

To help someone who is being bullied, support the person and address the bullying behavior. Other ways to help—including what to do if a person is in immediate danger—are listed below.

Support a child who is being bullied:

• You can listen to the child and let him or her know you are available to talk or even help. A child who is being bullied may struggle talking about it. Consider letting the child know there are other people who can talk with him or her about bullying. In addition, you might consider referring the child to a school counselor, psychologist, or other mental health specialist.
• Give the child advice about what he or she can do. You might want to include role-playing and acting out a bullying incident as you guide the child so that the child knows what to do in a real situation.
• Follow up with the child to show that you are committed to helping put a stop to the bullying.

Address the bullying behavior:

• Make sure a child whom you suspect or know is bullying knows what the problem behavior is and why it is not acceptable.
• Show kids that bullying is taken seriously. If you know someone is being a bully to someone else, tell the bully that bullying will not be tolerated. It is important, however, to demonstrate good behavior when speaking with a bully so that you serve as a role model of good interpersonal behavior.

The "Bullying: Be More Than a Bystander" resource, which includes a presentation and facilitator's guide, seeks to educate people about taking action against bullying. It suggests you can help someone who is being bullied in the following ways:

• Be a friend to the person who is being bullied, so they do not feel alone.
• Tell a trusted adult if you see someone being bullied.
• Help the person get away from the bullying without putting yourself at risk.
• Don't enable bullying by providing an audience.
• Set a good example by not bullying.

If you feel that you have taken all possible steps to prevent bullying and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are other ways for you to help.

What is bullying?

Bullying is being mean to someone over and over again.

Bullying often is about power. The power could be physical strength, popularity, or even having embarrassing information about someone. Bullies may use the power they have to get more power, to control someone, or to increase their popularity. Bullies often pick on kids who seem weaker, “different,” or less confident.

Bullying can happen anywhere, including at school, on the Internet, on a sports team, and even at home. People can bully with words or actions, and they can do it alone or in a group.

Bullying is always wrong, and sometimes it is even against the law.

There are many types of bullying. Here are some examples of bullying:

• Name-calling, teasing, or spreading rumors
• Leaving someone out of a group on purpose
• Giving someone the “silent treatment”
• Cyberbullying, which includes using social media, IMs, or texts to send mean messages
• Making nasty faces or hand gestures at someone
• Making fun of someone for being different
• Hair-pulling, biting, and pinching
• Threatening and scaring others
• Hitting, punching, yelling, and shoving
• Telling other kids not to be friends with someone
• Embarrassing someone in public

Bullying doesn’t just happen between girls. Sometimes, girls bully boys. Girls may make fun of a boy because they think he’s gay, for example. Or they hit him because they think he won’t hit back. Sometimes, boys bully girls.

All kinds of bullying are wrong.

Girls bullying girls

Girls may bully in the same ways guys do or in different ways.

Sometimes, girls bully in ways that are hard to see, like hurting someone’s feelings or their relationships. These can include the following:

• Spreading rumors or gossip
• Purposely leaving someone out
• Saying mean things or making nasty comments
• Getting other people to be mean to someone
• Writing nasty notes, emails, or text messages
• Sharing someone’s secrets to embarrass or hurt them
• Making mean comments about someone’s clothing or how they look

Hurt feelings can be as upsetting as a hurt body. If you are being bullied, talk to an adult you trust. Adults can work to help stop the bullying and can offer support.

Here are some fast facts about bullying and girls:

• Boys are more likely than girls to get bullied physically, but girls are more likely than boys to get bullied through rumors or being left out.
• Girls may bully to get attention, feel important, or get a sense of control.
• Boys are mostly bullied by boys, but girls are bullied by both boys and girls.
• Among high schoolers, girls are more likely to be bullied on school property than boys.

Boys bullying girls

Boys bully girls in some of the same ways that girls bully each other. They may tease a girl, embarrass her, call her names, or hit her, for example. But boys sometimes bully girls in different ways. For example, a group of boys may make unwelcome comments about a girl’s body as she walks down the halls each day in school.

Sometimes, bullying that is based on your sex is considered harassment. Harassment and bullying are alike in some ways but are not exactly the same. Basically, harassment is when someone treats you very badly very often because of a certain trait you have, like your sex or sexual orientation. It can include touching, nasty words, and hand gestures. If you think you have been harassed, please tell an adult. Special laws may protect you against harassment that hurts your ability to get an education.

Remember, any kind of bullying is wrong and never your fault.

Cliques

Most of us like to hang out with people who care about the same things that we do, and we may have a group of friends we see a lot. But when a group is very strict about who can be in it, that is a clique. And when a clique is mean to others, that is bullying.

What is a clique?

A clique is a group of friends that leaves out other people. It may have strict “rules” for who can belong.

Girls in a clique often dress and act alike. They may care a lot about their status and popularity. They may stick together a lot, eating lunch together, going to the mall together, and texting each other very often.

It’s okay to have a regular group of friends. That’s not a clique. A healthy group of friends doesn’t try to stop you from having other friends. A healthy group of friends allows you to act like yourself. A healthy group of friends accepts you for you.

The downsides of being in a clique

Girls in a clique may be afraid to stand on their own, without a group to back them up. Of course, most people like to fit in. But girls in a clique often leave their own ideas and opinions behind. They just go along with the group.

Sometimes, people in a clique try to build up how they feel about themselves by putting other people down. Then the rest of the group may just follow along. People in a clique can be very worried that they will get thrown out of it.

Why do cliques bully?

Girls in a clique may bully for a number of reasons:

• To get attention
• To get what they want
• To try to gain respect
• To become popular
• To punish people they are jealous of
• Because others are doing it
• Because they are afraid to speak up

How to handle cliques

Dealing with cliques can be tough. Here are some tips:

• Follow your heart. It makes sense to be friends with people who really care about you and have similar values. In the end, it doesn’t feel great to be liked for who you really aren’t.
• Get involved. Join a group that offers activities that you really like and that give you a chance to shine. That might be a sport, a club, or a volunteer group.
• Be kind. Usually, people will like you a lot if you are considerate — and you will like yourself a lot, too!

Hazing vs. bullying

Hazing is when a person who wants to join a group is expected to do things that are very embarrassing, dangerous, or illegal. The group might be a club, sorority, or team, for example.

People sometimes think hazing is a just a harmless part of joining a group. But hazing can really hurt someone physically and emotionally.

What is hazing?

Hazing can take many forms. Examples of hazing can include the following:

• Making someone stay awake for many hours
• Yelling, swearing, or insulting someone
• Forcing someone to wear very embarrassing clothes
• Telling someone they have to eat disgusting things
• Physical beatings
• Pressuring someone to drink a lot of alcohol
• Making someone get a tattoo

What are warning signs of hazing?

Here are some possible signs of hazing:

• You have heard from friends about a group using hazing.
• You feel a knot in your stomach — trust your instincts!
• You have been warned by teachers or other adults that the group is dangerous.
• You have seen the group push others to do things that you believe are wrong or dangerous.
• You feel afraid to break away from the group.
• The group leaders are very mean.
• The group leaders do things that don’t seem right and then make you promise not to tell anyone.

What can I do to stay safe from hazing?

If you are concerned about hazing, try to find out if a group is known for having mean rituals. If you think you are going a place where you might be hazed, have a plan to stay safe. Stick together with friends you trust, and make sure you have a way to get home safely.

If you are being hazed, tell an adult. Some states have laws against hazing. Remember, no one has a right to hurt you or pressure you to do something that feels wrong!

We all want to belong. Whether it’s to the chess club or the football team or a sorority or fraternity, belonging to a group of people who are bonded together gives us the feeling that we aren’t alone. In high school, and especially in college when people leave their hometowns and are trying to fit in to a new environment, these clubs can feel like a lifeline. And for many people, these groups become like family—you can be a “Sorority Sister” and “Fraternity Brother.”

But what’s the cost of joining? All too often, it’s going through an embarrassing and potentially dangerous initiation ritual—known as hazing.

Suspect Hazing?

Hazing can often be confidentially reported to school officials. There is also a national, toll-free, anti-hazing hotline at 1-888-NOT-HAZE (1-888-668-4293). Not sure if it’s hazing? Call anyway. Ask yourself whether you would tell a potential member about the activity before they joined.

What Is Hazing?

Basically, hazing is when an organized group participates in activities that involves harassment, humiliation, and/or physical and emotional abuse as a way of letting someone join their club, team, organization, etc. Hazing can be violent and it can cause serious physical harm, including death in extreme cases. Some common forms of hazing include:

• Drinking games (which often involve having people drink a lot of alcohol very quickly)
• Sleep deprivation, kidnapping, beating a person up, or sexual abuse
• Enduring harsh weather without proper clothing
• Branding, tattooing, or piercing
• Walking a “gauntlet” of people who have battering sticks and weapons

More than 50% of college students and 47% of high school students involved in clubs, teams, and organizations experience hazing. It’s passed down from class to class. The hazed become the hazers…and the cycle of bad behavior continues.

Since 1970, at least one college student dies in the United States each year because of an initiation gone wrong. Studies have found that, in college, making people drink too much alcohol is the most common form of hazing. Alcohol also makes it easier to haze. Being drunk helps current members feel less bad about abusing the new pledges.

See Someone Passed Out?

Immediate care of someone who has passed out

Check four “PUBS” signs to determine if the situation is an emergency:

• Puking (while passed out)
• Unresponsive to stimulation (pinch or shake)
• Breathing (slow, shallow, or no breathing)
• Skin (blue, cold, or clammy)

If even one of these signs is present, call 911. Do not wait—call 911.

And never leave someone alone to “sleep it off.” If someone has passed out, they have had a dangerous amount of alcohol and they should be monitored to make sure none of the symptoms mentioned occur.

Alcohol is also one of the ways people die from hazing. It’s what killed 18-year-old college freshman Lynn Gordon Bailey (“Gordie”). He participated in a hazing ritual that involved drinking too much alcohol, and 3 weeks into his first year at college, he died from that ritual. Gordie wasn’t a small guy—he was an athlete. Probably no one would have thought when they looked at him that he would die from drinking too much. But no matter how fit you are, if you drink too much alcohol too quickly for your body to process, your vital organs can shut down, and you can die. Hearing Gordie’s story may help people to think about what could have been done differently.

So What’s a Person To Do?

There’s no shame in saying no or standing up for yourself—but it’s usually easier to do before the hazing begins. Learn as much as you can about the pledging process for the group you want to join. Know that not every club, group, or house is going to ask you to do the same things. While it’s true that most people survive the pledging or initiation process, it’s equally true that for some people, the beatings or binge drinking have led to deaths.

Ideally, you’ll find a group whose initiation isn’t about humiliation. After all, do you really want to be part of a group that purposely hurts new members? Or tries to make them physically sick? Or that has racist chants? Or sexist websites?

Team building and other bonding exercises don’t have to be negative. Lots of groups organize other activities that people have to do to join the group—but it doesn’t cost them their dignity or risk their health or wellbeing. These include:

• Doing community service
• Going out for group events
• Playing recreational games/sports
• Organizing a fundraising event
• Completing a ropes course, leadership courses, or other similar activities
• Tutoring or mentoring

This list goes on and on—because there are always better alternatives to bullying, or hazing, or any form of abuse. And maybe it’s been a “tradition” to be hurtful and hateful—but we are not alone in thinking that it is time to break these traditions.