Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.  Examples of abusive behavior include:

Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc. are types of physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic Abuse: Controlling or restraining a person’s ability to acquire, use, or maintain economic resources to which they are entitled.  This includes using coercion, fraud, or manipulation to restrict a person’s access to money, assets, credit, or financial information; unfairly using a person’s personal economic resources, including money, assets, and credit, or exerting undue influence over a person’s financial and economic behavior or decisions, including forcing default on joint or other financial obligations, exploiting powers of attorney, guardianship, or conservatorship, or failing or neglecting to act in the best interests of a person to whom one has a fiduciary duty.

Psychological Abuse: Elements of psychological abuse include  - but are not limited to - causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Technological Abuse:  An act or pattern of behavior that is intended to harm, threaten, control, stalk, harass, impersonate, exploit, extort, or monitor another person that occurs using any form of technology, including but not limited to: internet enabled devices, online spaces and platforms, computers, mobile devices, cameras and imaging programs, apps, location tracking devices, or communication technologies, or any other emerging technologies.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion,  sex, or gender identity. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, dating, or share a child.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

This discussion of domestic violence is intended to educate the public about the dynamics of abuse in intimate partner relationships, as well as to help victims understand their experience and family and friends of victims to recognize signs of abuse in the relationships of their loved ones.  The Violence Against Women Act contains a definition of domestic violence that governs the programs funded under the Act.  The discussion here does not alter the definition in VAWA.

Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org.

Domestic or intimate partner violence is a very common type of violence against women:

• Domestic or intimate partner violence happens in all types of relationships, including dating couples, married couples, same-sex couples, former or ex-couples, and couples who live together but are not married.
• Intimate partner violence happens more often among younger couples.
• Almost half of American Indian and Alaskan Native women, more than four in 10 African-American women, and more than one in three white and Hispanic women have experienced sexual or physical violence or stalking by their intimate partner.
• Nearly 23 million women in the United States have been raped or experienced attempted rape in their lifetimes.
• More than 33 million women — including one in three African-American and white women and one in four Hispanic women — have experienced unwanted sexual contact, other than rape, by an intimate partner.
• Women who identify as lesbian experience as much or more physical and sexual violence as heterosexual women by an intimate partner. Women who identify as bisexual experience intimate partner violence more often than heterosexual women.

You may be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Controls what you’re doing
• Checks your phone, email, or social networks without your permission
• Forces you to have sex when you don’t want to
• Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
• Decides what you wear or eat or how you spend money
• Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing your family or friends
• Humiliates you on purpose in front of others
• Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful
• Destroys your things
• Threatens to hurt you, your children, other loved ones, or your pets
• Hurts you physically (e.g., hitting, beating, punching, pushing, kicking), including with a weapon
• Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
• Threatens to hurt herself or himself because of being upset with you
• Threatens to report you to the authorities for imagined crimes
• Says things like, “If I can’t have you, then no one can”

If you are in a same-sex relationship, many signs of domestic violence are the same as other people in an abusive relationship. Your partner may hit you, try to control you, or force you to have sex. But you may also experience additional signs of abuse, including:

• Threatening to “out you” to your family, friends, employer, or community
• Telling you that you have to be legally married to be considered a victim of domestic violence and to get help
• Saying women aren’t or can’t be violent
• Telling you the authorities won’t help a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or other nonconforming person
• Forcing you to “prove” your sexuality by performing sex acts that you do not consent to

Regardless of your gender identity or sexual orientation, no one has the right to physically hurt you or threaten your safety.

Your safety is the most important concern. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you are not in immediate danger, consider these options:

• Get medical care. If you have been injured or sexually assaulted, go to a local hospital emergency room or urgent care center. You need medical care and may need medicines after being injured or raped.
• Call a helpline for free, anonymous help.
• Make a safety plan to leave. Domestic violence usually does not get better. Think about a safe place for you to go and other things you will need.
• Save the evidence. Keep evidence of abuse, such as pictures of your injuries or threatening emails or texts, in a safe place the abuser cannot get to.
• Find out where to get help in your community. Look up local resources for a list of local places to get help.
• Talk to someone. Reach out to someone you trust. This might be a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or a spiritual leader. Look for ways to get emotional help, like a support group or mental health professional.
• Look into a restraining order. Consider getting a protection order.

If you are the victim of domestic violence, know that you are not alone. There are people who want to help you and who are trained to respond.

No one should feel unsafe. If you are in an unsafe, violent relationship, you might be thinking of leaving. You do not have to leave today or do it all at once. But a safety plan can help you know what to do when you are ready to leave. Having a plan in place can help you get out safely later if you do decide to leave.

What are some things to consider as I decide whether to leave?

Leaving an abusive relationship can seem overwhelming. Women often leave several times before finally deciding to end the relationship. There are many complicated reasons why it is difficult to leave an abusive partner.

You may have doubts or fears or just feel overwhelmed at the thought of leaving. That’s normal. But consider the following as you make your decision:

• Domestic violence often starts as emotional abuse and becomes physical later. It’s important to ask for help as soon as possible.
• Your partner may try to make you think the violence is your fault. It’s not. You cannot make someone hurt or mistreat you. Your partner is responsible for his or her own behavior. Violence and abuse are never the victim’s fault.
• Abuse is not normal or OK. You may think that abuse is a sign that your partner loves you. It’s not. Your partner may love you, but abuse is not a sign of that love. You may think that romantic love is passionate and that physical abuse is a sign of passion. It’s not. A healthy relationship is one in which you feel safe and which has no physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse.
• Abuse can happen to anyone. Some women and men believe that abuse is not something that could happen to them. Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of whether you have a college education, which neighborhood you live in, your age, your gender, your sexual orientation, or whether you’re married, dating, or single.
• Your partner may be very good to you at times. Most abusers have a pattern of abuse followed by making it up to you or making you feel special and loved. It’s most likely that the abuse will happen again. Abuse usually gets worse over time, not better. Learn about how to get help even if your partner promises to stop the abuse.
• You cannot help or fix an abusive partner. It’s not your responsibility to convince a violent or abusive partner to get help. Your responsibility is to your own safety and the safety of any children in the household. Some abusive partners say they will get help as a way to “make it up to you” after violence. But getting help does not always mean the violence will stop.
• Intimate partner violence is linked to serious physical and emotional problems. The longer it continues, the more damage it can cause.

Also, if you have children, consider their safety. Consider whether you are willing to allow your partner to visit them if you decide to leave the relationship. Many abusers get even more violent after their victims leave. That’s why a safety plan, agreed on with others in your life, can help keep you safe after you leave.

Many people can help you think about your options to leave an abusive relationship safely. It might be unsafe if an abusive partner finds out you’re thinking about leaving. Try to talk only to people who will not tell the abuser about your plans:

• Your doctor or nurse. Most people visit the doctor at least once a year for a checkup, so try to visit the doctor or nurse without your partner. If your partner insists on going with you, try to write a note to the office staff saying that you want to see the doctor or nurse alone. Or, tell your partner that you need privacy to speak about a woman’s health issue that you’re too embarrassed to talk about. Or, tell your partner, where others can hear you, that the doctor’s policy is patients only in the exam room.
• A teacher, counselor, or principal at your child’s school. An adult at your child’s school can help connect you to shelters and other safe places in your community. Teachers and others at your child’s school want to help the families of the children they teach.
• Human resources. If you work outside the home, the human resources (HR) department at your workplace may be able to connect you to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or other resources in your community.
• Family or friends. Family or friends who knew you before you met an abusive partner might be able to help you. If more than one family member or friend can help you, it might be good for a few people to work together to help.
• A free 1-800 telephone hotline. You can talk to trained advocates at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, for free 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without giving your name or address. The counselors can help you talk through the steps of leaving an abusive relationship. You can call a hotline as many times as you need to.

Even if you don’t leave right away, creating a safety plan can help you know what to do if your partner abuses you again. It can help you be more independent when you leave.

Your safety plan will help you be prepared:

• Identify a safe friend or friends and safe places to go. Create a code word to use with friends, family, or neighbors to let them know you are in danger without the abuser finding out. If possible, agree on a secret location where they can pick you up.
• Keep an alternate cellphone nearby. Try not to call for help on your home phone or on a shared cellphone. Your partner might be able to trace the numbers. If you don’t have a cellphone, you can get a prepaid cellphone. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cellphones.
• Memorize the phone numbers of friends, family, or shelters. If your partner takes your phone, you will still be able to contact loved ones or shelters for a safe place to stay.
• Make a list of things to take if you have to leave quickly. Important identity documents and money are probably the top priority. Get these items together, and keep them in a safe place where your partner will not find them. If you are in immediate danger, leave without them.
• If you can, hide an extra set of car keys so you can leave if your partner takes away your usual keys.
• Ask your doctor how to get extra medicine or glasses, hearing aids, or other medically necessary items for you or your children.
• Contact your local family court (or domestic violence court, if your state has one) for information about getting a restraining order. If you need legal help but don’t have much money, your local domestic violence agency may be able to help you find a lawyer who will work for free or on a sliding scale based on what you can pay.
• Protect your online security as you collect information and prepare. Use a computer at a public library to download information, or use a friend’s computer or cellphone. Your partner might be able to track your planning otherwise.
• Try to take with you any evidence of abuse or violence if you leave your partner. This might include threatening notes from your partner. It might be copies of police and medical reports. It might include pictures of your injuries or damage to your property.
• Keep copies of all paper and electronic documents on an external thumb drive.

When you leave an abuser, the most important thing is your life and safety as well as your children’s. If you are able to plan ahead, it will help you to have important information with you, in addition to money, clothing, medicine, and other basic items.

Even if you are not sure you want to or are ready to leave, go ahead and make copies of as many of the following documents as you can, or secure them in a safe place outside of the home:

• Birth certificates, Social Security cards, and passports or immigration papers for you and your children
• Health insurance cards for you and your children
• Financial records, including recent bank statements and stocks or mutual fund records
• Housing documents, such as rental agreements, mortgage statements, or the title or deed
• Your most recent credit report
• The title or lease paperwork for your car
• Statements for any retirement plans
• The past two years’ tax returns
• A written copy of phone numbers or important addresses in case you cannot get to your cellphone or address book

Many of these records are available online, so try to keep access to these accounts if you do not have paper copies.

You may also want to take photos of any valuable assets in the home (anything you think may be worth some money). Also, if you have any family heirlooms (such as jewelry), take them with you or put them in a safe place before you leave. You can get a safe deposit box at the bank to store copies of the paperwork listed, as well as small valuable items. If you have a joint checking account, consider opening your own checking account and storing money there. Any adult has the right to open their own bank account, even if they are married or dependent on another person.

Leaving a relationship is not easy. You may still care about your partner or have hope that things will get better. It may also be difficult or frightening to leave because:

• Your partner may be a co-parent to your children.
• Your partner may have isolated you from your friends and family so you feel you have no place to go.
• Your partner may control the money so you feel you have no resources to leave.
• Your partner may have threatened you or your children.
• You don’t want to disrupt your children’s lives.
• You may have an elderly relative or disabled child needing care.
• Your health may be poor because you were injured in the domestic violence or because of illness.
• You may still have feelings for your partner or worry that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life.

You can get help dealing with all of these issues. Talk to a friend, a loved one, or a counselor at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE (7233). People want to help you.

Even if it seems like the only way you can be safe is to leave, you may still be feeling confused and frightened about leaving. That is normal. You don’t have to decide to leave today. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get help.

Domestic violence often results in physical and emotional injuries. It can also lead to other health problems, reproductive health challenges, mental health conditions such as depression, and suicide. Women affected by intimate partner violence are also more likely to use drugs or alcohol to cope.

Domestic violence can even end in death. Women who live in a home with guns are five times more likely to be killed. More than half of women murdered with guns are killed by intimate partners.

When you experience a traumatic event, it's common to have an emotional reaction. Such stress reactions are normal and not weakness. Most people recover in time. Learn about stress reactions and problems that occur after trauma.

What Are Common Reactions to Trauma?

All kinds of trauma create stress reactions. People often say that their first feeling is relief to be alive after a traumatic event. This may be followed by stress, fear and anger. Trauma may also lead people to find they are unable to stop thinking about what happened. Traumatic events can create a high level of arousal—or feeling alert or "on guard"—as well, which causes people to react strongly to sounds and sights around them.

If you understand what is happening when you or someone you know reacts to a traumatic event, you may be less fearful and better able to cope. Reactions are common for anyone, even Service members and Veterans, or disaster rescue and relief workers, who have been trained to respond to crises.

Here are some common reactions to trauma:

• Losing hope for the future
• Feeling distant (detached) or losing a sense of concern about others
• Being unable to concentrate or make decisions
• Feeling jumpy and getting startled easily at sudden noises
• Feeling on guard and alert all the time
• Having dreams and memories that upset you
• Having problems at work or school
• Avoiding people, places and things related to the event

You may also experience more physical reactions such as:

• Stomach upset and trouble eating
• Trouble sleeping and feeling very tired
• Pounding heart, rapid breathing, feeling shaky
• Sweating
• Severe headache if thinking of the event
• Not keeping up with exercise, diet, safe sex or—regular health care
• Smoking more, using alcohol or drugs more, or eating too much
• Having your ongoing medical problems get worse

You may have more emotional troubles such as:

• Feeling nervous, helpless, fearful, sad
• Feeling shocked, numb, or not able to feel love or joy
• Being irritable or having angry outbursts
• Getting easily upset or agitated
• Blaming yourself or having negative views of oneself or the world
• Being unable to trust others, getting into fights, or being trying to control everything
• Being withdrawn, feeling rejected, or abandoned
• Feeling detached, not wanting intimacy

Recovery From Stress Reactions

Turn to your family and friends when you are ready to talk. They are your personal support system. Recovery is an ongoing gradual process. Don't look to be "cured" all of a sudden or assume that you will forget what happened. Most people will recover from trauma naturally. If your stress reactions are getting in the way of your relationships, work or other important activities, you may want to talk to a counselor or your doctor. Good treatments are available.

Common Problems That Can Occur After a Trauma

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a condition that can develop after you have gone through a life-threatening event. If you have PTSD, you may have trouble keeping yourself from thinking over and over about what happened to you. You may try to avoid people and places that remind you of the trauma. You may feel numb. Lastly, if you have PTSD, you might find that you have trouble relaxing. You may startle easily, and you may feel on guard most of the time.

Depression. Depression involves feeling down or sad more days than not. If you are depressed, you may lose interest in activities that you used to enjoy or find fun. You may feel low in energy and be overly tired. You may feel hopeless or in despair, and you may think that things will never get better. Depression is more likely when you have had losses such as the death of close friends. If you are depressed, at times you might think about hurting yourself. For this reason, getting help for depression is very important.

Self-blame, guilt and shame. Sometimes in trying to make sense of a traumatic event, you may blame yourself. You may think you are to blame for bad things that happened, or for surviving when others didn't. You may feel guilty for what you did or did not do. Remember, we all tend to be our own worst critics.

Suicidal thoughts. Trauma and loss can lead someone who is depressed to think about self-harm. If you have thoughts of suicide, talk to someone. If you think someone you know may be thinking about suicide, ask them. You will NOT put the idea in their head. If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide:

• Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or visit 988lifeline.org.
• If you are a Veteran, or you are concerned about one, call 988 and press 1 to speak with a responder trained to help Veterans. Visit the Veterans Crisis Line.
• You can also call a counselor or doctor; or dial 911 for emergency response services (like police or an ambulance).

Anger or aggressive behavior. Trauma is related to anger in many ways. After a trauma, you might think that what happened to you was unfair or unjust. You might not understand why the event happened and why it happened to you. These thoughts can result in intense anger. Anger is a natural and healthy emotion, but strong feelings of anger and aggressive behavior can cause problems with family, friends or co-workers. If you become violent when angry, it makes the situation worse. Violence can lead to injury, and there may be legal outcomes.

Alcohol or drug abuse. Drinking or "self-medicating" with drugs is a common, and unhealthy, way of coping with upsetting events. You may drink too much or use drugs to numb yourself and to try to deal with difficult thoughts, feelings and memories related to the trauma. While using alcohol or drugs may offer a quick solution, it can lead to more problems. If someone close to you begins to lose control of drinking or drug use, try to get them to see a health care provider about managing their drinking or drug use.

Summing It All Up

Right after a trauma, almost every survivor will find it hard to stop thinking about what happened. Stress reactions—such as fear, anxiety, jumpiness, upsetting memories, and efforts to avoid reminders—will gradually decrease over time for most people.

Use your personal support systems, family and friends, when you are ready to talk. Or, be a support for someone you care about who has been through a trauma. Recovery is an ongoing gradual process that takes time. Don't look for a quick "cure" or assume that you will forget what happened. Most people will recover from trauma on their own. If your emotional reactions are getting in the way of your relationships, work or other important activities, you may want to talk to a counselor or your doctor. Good treatments are available.

Strong, healthy relationships are important throughout your life. Your social ties with family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and others impact your mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.

“We can’t underestimate the power of a relationship in helping to promote well-being,” says NIH psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Valerie Maholmes. Studies have found that having a variety of social relationships may help reduce stress and heart-related risks. Strong social ties are even linked to a longer life. On the other hand, loneliness and social isolation are linked to poorer health, depression, and increased risk of early death.

As a child you learn the social skills you need to form and maintain relationships with others. But at any age you can learn ways to improve your relationships.

NIH funds research to find out what causes unhealthy relationship behavior. Researchers have created community, family, and school-based programs to help people learn to have healthier relationships. These programs also help prevent abuse and violence toward others.

What Is Healthy?

Every relationship exists on a spectrum from healthy to unhealthy to abusive. One sign of a healthy relationship is feeling good about yourself around your partner, family member, or friend. You feel safe talking about how you feel. You listen to each other. You feel valued, and you trust each other.

“It’s important for people to recognize and be aware of any time where there is a situation in their relationship that doesn’t feel right to them or that makes them feel less than who they are,” Maholmes advises.

It’s normal for people to disagree with each other. But conflicts shouldn’t turn into personal attacks. In a healthy relationship, you can disagree without hurting each other and make decisions together.

“No relationship should be based on that power dynamic where someone is constantly putting the other partner down,” Maholmes says.

If you grew up in a family with abuse, it may be hard as an adult to know what healthy is. Abuse may feel normal to you. There are several kinds of abuse, including physical, sexual, and verbal or emotional. Hurting with words, neglect, and withholding affection are examples of verbal or emotional abuse.

In an unhealthy or abusive relationship, your partner may blame you for feeling bad about something they did or said. They may tell you that you’re too sensitive. Putting you down diminishes you and keeps them in control.

In a healthy relationship, however, if you tell your partner that something they said hurt your feelings, they feel bad for hurting you. They try not to do it again.

Abuse in an intimate relationship is called domestic or intimate partner violence. This type of violence involves a pattern of behaviors used by one person to maintain power and control over someone that they are married to, living with, or dating now or in the past. A pattern means it happens over and over.

In an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you may not be allowed to spend time with family, friends, and others in your social network. “One of the signs that’s really important in relationships where there is intimate partner violence is that the partner that is being abused is slowly being isolated from family and friends and social networks,” Maholmes says. “Those social networks are protective factors.”

Social Ties Protect

Studies have shown that certain factors seem to protect people from forming unhealthy relationships over their lifetime. The protection starts early in life. NIH-supported research has shown that the quality of an infant’s emotional bond with a parent can have long-lasting positive or negative effects on the ability to develop healthy relationships.

“The early bond has implications that go well beyond the first years of life,” says Dr. Grazyna Kochanska, an NIH-funded family relationships researcher at the University of Iowa. The goal of Kochanska’s research projects is to understand the long-term effects of that early bond and to help children develop along positive pathways and avoid paths toward antisocial behaviors.

A family that functions well is central to a child’s development. Parents can help children learn how to listen, set appropriate boundaries, and resolve conflicts. Parents teach children by example how to consider other people’s feelings and act in ways to benefit others.

Secure emotional bonds help children and teens develop trust and self-esteem. They can then venture out of the family to form other social connections, like healthy friendships. In turn, healthy friendships reduce the risk of a child becoming emotionally distressed or engaging in antisocial behaviors.

On the other hand, having an unhealthy relationship in the family, including neglect and abuse, puts a child at risk for future unhealthy relationships.

“One caring adult can make a huge difference in the life of kids whose family structures may not be ideal or whose early life is characterized by abuse and neglect,” says Dr. Jennie Noll of the Center for Healthy Children at Pennsylvania State University. “That caring adult could be an older sibling, or a parent, or someone else in the family, a teacher—the kind of people who have a large influence in communicating to the child that they matter and that they’re safe, and that they have a place to go when they are needing extra support.”

Healthy friendships and activities outside of the home or classroom can play protective roles during childhood, too. In fact, everyone in a community can help support the development of healthy connections. Adults can serve as good role models for children, whether the children are their own or those they choose to mentor.

Helping and Getting Help

At any age, your relationships matter. Having healthy relationships with others starts with liking yourself. Learn what makes you happy. Treat yourself well. Know that you deserve to be treated well by others.

Having an unhealthy or abusive relationship can really hurt. The connection may be good some of the time. You may love and need the person who hurts you. After being abused, you may feel you don’t deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

With help, you can work on your relationship. Or, sometimes in an abusive relationship, you may be advised to get out. Either way, others can help.

If you or a friend needs help with an unhealthy relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or 1-800-799-SAFE. If you know a child who may need help, find resources at the Child Welfare Information Gateway at www.childwelfare.gov.

How to Help Someone in an Unhealthy Relationship

• Let them know that you’re worried about them.
• Listen without judging or blaming.
• Tell them that it’s not their fault.
• Offer to go with them to talk to someone who can help.
• Visit www.thehotline.org for more tips on how to help.

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is a type of abuse. It can be the abuse of a spouse or partner, which is also known as intimate partner violence. Or it could be the abuse of a child, older relative, or other family member.

Domestic violence may include different types of abuse, such as

• Physical violence that can lead to injuries such as bruises or fractures (broken bones)
• Sexual violence, including sexual assault
• Emotional abuse, which includes threats, name-calling, put-downs, and humiliation. It can also involve controlling behavior, such as telling the victim how to act or dress and not letting them see family or friends.
• Economic abuse, which involves controlling access to money
• Stalking, which is repeated, unwanted contact that causes fear or concern for the safety of the victim. This can include watching or following the victim. The stalker may send repeated, unwanted phone calls or texts.

Who is affected by domestic violence?

It is hard to know exactly how common domestic violence is, because it's often not reported.

But we do know that anyone can be affected by it. Domestic violence can happen to men or women of all different ages. It affects people with all levels of income and education.

What are the signs that someone is a victim of domestic violence?

If you think that a loved one might be the victim of domestic violence, learn about the different types of abuse and watch for these signs:

Does your friend or loved one

• Have unexplained cuts or bruises?
• Avoid friends, family, and favorite activities?
• Make excuses for their partner's behavior?
• Look uncomfortable or fearful around their partner?

Does your friend or loved one's partner

• Yell at or make fun of them?
• Try to control them by making all the decisions?
• Check up on them at work or school?
• Force them to do sexual things they don't want to do?
• Threaten to hurt himself or herself if the partner wants to break up?

What can I do if I am a victim of domestic violence?

Your safety is the most important concern. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you are not in immediate danger, you can

• Get medical care if you have been injured or sexually assaulted
• Call a helpline for free, anonymous help. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY).
• Find out where to get help in your community. Contact local organizations that can help you.
• Make a safety plan to leave. Domestic violence usually does not get better. Think about a safe place for you to go and all of the things that you will need when you leave.
• Save the evidence. Keep evidence of abuse, such as pictures of your injuries or threatening emails or texts. Make sure that it is in a safe place the abuser cannot access.
• Talk to someone you trust, such as a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or a spiritual leader
• Consider getting a restraining order to protect yourself

How can I help someone who is a victim of domestic violence?

Let your loved one know that being treated this way isn't healthy and that they are not to blame. You should

• Call 911 if there is immediate danger
• Watch for the signs of abuse. Learn about the signs and keep track of the ones that you see.
• Find out about local resources. Get the addresses and phone numbers of some local resources in your community. Then you'll be able to share the information if the person is ready for it.
• Set up a time to talk. Make sure you can have your conversation in a safe, private place. Your loved one's partner may have access to his or her cell phone or computer, so be careful about sharing information over text or email.
• Be specific about why you are worried. Describe the behaviors that concern you. Be as specific as possible when explaining why you are worried.
• Plan for safety. If your loved one is ready to leave an abusive partner, help make a plan for getting out of the relationship as safely as possible. A domestic violence counselor can help with making a safety plan.
• Be patient and do not judge. You should talk about your concerns with your loved one, but you need to understand that they may not be ready to talk about it. Let them know that you're available to talk at any time, and that you will listen without judging them.