To be gay, or homosexual, means that you’re attracted to people of the same gender and attracted little, if at all, to members of the opposite gender.

Having said that, it’s good to remember that sexual orientation is on a spectrum, meaning people aren’t necessarily either completely gay or straight (heterosexual)—there are many variations in-between. (And if you’d rather not be labelled with any of the terms below, that’s okay, too.)

• Homosexuals are attracted to people of the same gender
• Heterosexuals are attracted to people of the opposite gender
• Bisexuals are attracted to people of both genders
• Pansexuals are attracted to people regardless of their gender
• Asexual people aren’t attracted to people of any gender

The term “bisexual” is controversial because it implies there are only two genders. Some people see themselves as gender-fluid, or nonbinary. There are many gender identities.

There’s no set age for discovering you’re gay. Often boys are clear from an early age that they’re attracted to other males, and they continue to have gay preferences into adulthood.

Other young men may find they’re attracted to both males and females and identify as bisexual or pansexual. After experimentation, some men may decide that they’re exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. Or, they may continue to be attracted to different genders into adulthood. Some males who identify as straight don’t discover until later in life that they have gay feelings.

Any and all of these behaviors are normal. There is no one right way to develop sexually.

Nobody knows for sure why some men are gay and some aren’t. It’s not clear what role, if any, family dynamics play in determining sexual preferences. It is clear, though, that biology plays a big role in the development of a person’s gender identity and sexual orientation. Genes may have a part in sexual orientation, although no specific “gay” genes have been identified. It may that exposure of the fetus in the womb to different hormones has something to do with sexual preferences as well.

Being gay isn’t an illness—it’s normal, and there’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about it.

“Conversion therapy,” often practiced on adolescents, claims it can “cure” homosexuality and turn gay people straight. Not only are such treatments ineffective, they’re harmful and can cause depression, anxiety, and suicidal impulses. If you have gay feelings and are uncomfortable with them, it’s better to work on accepting yourself for who you are than to try and “cure” yourself of gayness.

Whether you’re gay will become clear to you only in time. You may want to experiment to see what feels right to you. There’s a lot of pressure in our society for males to be straight, but it’s important for you to be honest with yourself about your feelings.

If you’re unsure of your sexual preferences, or your feelings are making you uncomfortable, talk to people you trust. That could be friends, family members, healthcare providers, clergy, or counselors. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can help you to process them and feel less isolated.

You can’t tell if someone is gay just by looking at him. A straight male may decide he’s most comfortable wearing skirts, while a gay male may have a rugged outdoorsy look. How you dress and behave is about your personal identity, not necessarily your sexual preferences.

Coming out is telling family and friends that you are gay or bisexual/pansexual. This can be a very healthy thing to do, especially if you’ve been hiding your sexual feelings.

More and more young people have been coming out in recent decades. A majority of gay and bisexual Generation Z teenage boys have come out to their parents, according to a study published by the American Psychological Association. But stigma and religious beliefs still keep some young gay men from coming out.

You can choose who you want to come out to. You may want to talk to a good friend or a counselor first, especially if you think your parents would have a negative reaction. Sometimes people who come out discover that other people already knew or had an idea that they were gay, and were just waiting for them to come out. But other times it may be very hard for the people in your life to accept who you are. Be prepared for many different reactions.

You might consider coming out if keeping your gay feelings a secret is causing you distress and you think you’d feel better if you were open about them.

Having sex is a big step. Even if you’re quite sure you’re gay, you don’t need to have gay sex until you’re really ready. Don’t feel forced into it.

When you’re ready to take that step, do so safely. Talk to your partner about HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Always use condoms for penetrative sex, and place dams (pieces of latex) over the anus for oral sex. Body fluids can transmit both the HIV/AIDS virus and STIs.

Gay as well as lesbian, bisexual/pansexual, transgender, and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) teens have higher rates of suicide risk and substance use. This is due in part to the violence, discrimination, and harassment they may face for their sexual preferences. This kind of discrimination is illegal. If you’re being verbally or physically abused, let someone in authority or a law enforcement officer know.