Just as cancer affects your physical health, it can bring up a wide range of feelings you’re not used to dealing with. It can also make existing feelings seem more intense. They may change daily, hourly, or even minute to minute. This is true whether you’re currently in treatment, done with treatment, or a friend or family member. These feelings are all normal.

Often the values you grew up with affect how you think about and deal with cancer. For example some people:

• Feel they have to be strong and protect their friends and families
• Seek support and turn to loved ones or other cancer survivors
• Ask for help from counselors or other professionals
• Turn to their faith to help them cope

Whatever you decide, it's important to do what's right for you and not to compare yourself with others. Your friends and family members may share some of the same feelings. If you feel comfortable, share this information with them.

Overwhelmed

When you first learn that you have cancer, you may feel as if your life is out of control. This could be because:

• You wonder if you're going to live.
• Your normal routine is disrupted by doctor visits and treatments.
• People use medical terms that you don't understand.
• You feel like you can't do the things you enjoy.
• You feel helpless and lonely.

Even if you feel out of control, there are ways you can take charge. Try to learn as much as you can about your cancer. Ask your doctor questions and don't be afraid to say when you don't understand. Also, many people feel better if they stay busy. You can take part in activities such as music, crafts, reading, or learning something new.

Denial

When you were first diagnosed, you may have had trouble believing or accepting the fact that you have cancer. This is called denfial. It can be helpful because it can give you time to adjust to your diagnosis. It can also give you time to feel hopeful and better about the future.

Sometimes, denial is a serious problem. If it lasts too long, it can keep you from getting the treatment you need.

The good news is that most people work through denial. Usually by the time treatment begins, most people accept the fact that they have cancer and move forward. This is true for those with cancer as well as the people they love and care about.

Anger

People with cancer often feel angry. It's normal to ask, "Why me?" and be angry at the cancer. You may also feel anger or resentment towards your health care providers, your healthy friends and your loved ones. And if you're religious, you may even feel angry with God.

Anger often comes from feelings that are hard to show, such as fear, panic, frustration, anxiety, or helplessness. If you feel angry, you don't have to pretend that everything is okay. Anger can be helpful in that it may motivate you to take action. Talk with your family and friends about your anger. Or, ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor.

Fear and Worry

It's scary to hear that you have cancer. You may be afraid or worried about:

• Being in pain, either from the cancer or the treatment
• Feeling sick or looking different as a result of your treatment
• Taking care of your family
• Paying your bills
• Keeping your job
• Dying

Some fears about cancer are based on stories, rumors, or wrong information. To cope with fears and worries, it often helps to be informed. Most people feel better when they learn the facts. They feel less afraid and know what to expect. Learn about your cancer and understand what you can do to be an active partner in your care. Some studies even suggest that people who are well-informed about their illness and treatment are more likely to follow their treatment plans and recover from cancer more quickly than those who are not.

Hope

Once people accept that they have cancer, they often feel a sense of hope. There are many reasons to feel hopeful. Millions of people who have had cancer are alive today. Your chances of living with cancer—and living beyond it—are better now than they have ever been before. And people with cancer can lead active lives, even during treatment.

Some doctors think that hope may help your body deal with cancer. So, scientists are studying whether a hopeful outlook and positive attitude helps people feel better. Here are some ways you can build your sense of hope:

• Plan your days as you've always done.
• Don't limit the things you like to do just because you have cancer.
• Look for reasons to have hope. If it helps, write them down or talk to others about them.
• Spend time in nature.
• Reflect on your religious or spiritual beliefs.
• Listen to stories about people with cancer who are leading active lives.

Stress and Anxiety

Both during and after treatment, it's normal to have stress over all the life changes you are going through. Anxiety means you have extra worry, can't relax, and feel tense. You may notice that:

• Your heart beats faster.
• You have headaches or muscle pains.
• You don't feel like eating. Or you eat more.
• You feel sick to your stomach or have diarrhea.
• You feel shaky, weak, or dizzy.
• You have a tight feeling in your throat and chest.
• You sleep too much or too little.
• You find it hard to concentrate.

If you have any of these feelings, talk to your doctor. Though they are common signs of stress, you will want to make sure they aren't due to medicines or treatment.

Stress can keep your body from healing as well as it should.

If you're worried about your stress, ask your doctor to suggest a counselor for you to talk to. You could also take a class that teaches ways to deal with stress. The key is to find ways to control your stress and not to let it control you.

Sadness and Depression

Many people with cancer feel sad. They feel a sense of loss of their health, and the life they had before they learned they had the disease. Even when you’re done with treatment, you may still feel sad. This is a normal response to any serious illness. It may take time to work through and accept all the changes that are taking place.

When you're sad, you may have very little energy, feel tired, or not want to eat. For some, these feelings go away or lessen over time. But for others, these emotions can become stronger. The painful feelings don't get any better, and they get in the way of daily life. This may be a medical condition called depression. For some, cancer treatment may have added to this problem by changing the way the brain works.

Getting Help for Depression

Depression can be treated. Below are common signs of depression. If you have any of the following signs for more than 2 weeks, talk to your doctor about treatment. Be aware that some of these symptoms could be due to physical problems, so it's important to talk about them with your doctor.

Emotional signs:

• Feelings of sadness that don't go away
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling nervous or shaky
• Having a sense of guilt or feeling unworthy
• Feeling helpless or hopeless, as if life has no meaning
• Feeling short-tempered, moody
• Having a hard time concentrating, feeling scatterbrained
• Crying for long periods of time or many times each day
• Focusing on worries and problems
• No interest in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy
• Finding it hard to enjoy everyday things, such as food or being with family and friends
• Thinking about hurting yourself
• Thoughts about killing yourself

Body changes:

• Unintended weight gain or loss not due to illness or treatment
• Sleep problems, such as not being able to sleep, having nightmares, or sleeping too much
• Racing heart, dry mouth, increased perspiration, upset stomach, diarrhea
• Changes in energy level
• Fatigue that doesn't go away
• Headaches, other aches and pains

If your doctor thinks that you suffer from depression, he or she may give you medicine to help you feel less tense. Or, he or she may refer you to other experts. Don't feel that you should have to control these feelings on your own. Getting the help you need is important for your life and your health.

Guilt

If you feel guilty, know that many people with cancer feel this way. You may blame yourself for upsetting the people you love, or worry that you're a burden in some way. Or, you may envy other people's good health and be ashamed of this feeling. You might even blame yourself for lifestyle choices that you think could have led to your cancer.

These feelings are all very common. It may help you to share them with someone. Let your doctor know if you would like to talk with a counselor or go to a support group.

When I start to feel guilty that I caused my illness, I think of how little kids get cancer. That makes me realize that cancer can just happen. It isn't my fault.

Becky

Loneliness

People with cancer often feel lonely or distant from others. This may be for a number of reasons:

• Friends sometimes have a hard time dealing with cancer and may not visit or call you.
• You may feel too sick to take part in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy.
• Sometimes, even when you’re with people you care about, you may feel that no one understands what you’re going through.

It’s also normal to feel alone after treatment. You may miss the support you got from your health care team. Many people have a sense that their safety net has been pulled away, and they get less attention. It’s common to still feel cut off from certain friends or family members. Some of them may think that now that treatment is over, you will be back to normal soon, even though this may not be true. Others may want to help but don’t know how.

Look for emotional support in different ways. It could help you to talk to other people who have cancer or to join a support group. Or, you may feel better talking only to a close friend or family member, or counselor, or a member of your faith or spiritual community. Do what feels right for you.

Gratitude

Some people see their cancer as a "wake-up call." They realize the importance of enjoying the little things in life. They go places they've never been. They finish projects they had started but put aside. They spend more time with friends and family. They mend broken relationships.

It may be hard at first, but you can find joy in your life if you have cancer. Pay attention to the things you do each day that make you smile. They can be as simple as drinking a good cup of coffee or talking to a friend.

You can also do things that are more special to you, like being in nature or praying in a place that has meaning for you. Or, it could be playing a sport you love or cooking a good meal. Whatever you choose, embrace the things that bring you joy when you can.

Ways to Cope with Your Emotions

Express Your Feelings

People have found that when they express strong feelings like anger or sadness, they're more able to let go of them. Some sort out their feelings by talking to friends or family, other cancer survivors, a support group, or a counselor. But even if you prefer not to discuss your cancer with others, you can still sort out your feelings by thinking about them or writing them down.

Look for the Positive

Sometimes this means looking for the good even in a bad time or trying to be hopeful instead of thinking the worst. Try to use your energy to focus on wellness and what you can do now to stay as healthy as possible.

Don't Blame Yourself for Your Cancer

Some people believe that they got cancer because of something they did or did not do. Remember, cancer can happen to anyone.

Don't Try to Be Upbeat If You're Not

Many people say they want to have the freedom to give in to their feelings sometimes. As one woman said, “When it gets really bad, I just tell my family I'm having a bad cancer day and go upstairs and crawl into bed.”

You Choose When to Talk about Your Cancer

It can be hard for people to know how to talk to you about your cancer. Often loved ones mean well, but they don't know what to say or how to act. You can make them feel more at ease by asking them what they think or how they feel.

Find Ways to Help Yourself Relax

Whatever activity helps you unwind, you should take some time to do it. Meditation, guided imagery, and relaxation exercises are just a few ways that have been shown to help others; these may help you relax when you feel worried.

Be as Active as You Can

Getting out of the house and doing something can help you focus on other things besides cancer and the worries it brings. Exercise or gentle yoga and stretching can help too.

Look for Things You Enjoy

You may like hobbies such as woodworking, photography, reading, or crafts. Or find creative outlets such as art, music, or dance.

Look at What You Can Control

Some people say that putting their lives in order helps. Being involved in your health care, keeping your appointments, and making changes in your lifestyle are among the things you can control. Even setting a daily schedule can give you a sense of control. And while no one can control every thought, some say that they try not to dwell on the fearful ones, but instead do what they can to enjoy the positive parts of life.

Many people with cancer and their caregivers have found that doing relaxation techniques or practicing meditation and mindfulness has helped them lower stress and cope with anxiety. All are ways people try to calm themselves and feel better.

• Relaxation techniques include muscle tensing and release, breathing exercises, and guided imagery to name a few.
• In meditation, a person focuses his or her attention on something, such as an object, word, phrase, or breathing. It may help relax the body and mind and improve overall health and well-being.
• Mindfulness is a type of meditation based on the concept of being “mindful,” or having increased awareness of the present. It can be a sitting meditation that’s done in a quiet space. In this practice, you focus on your breathing or sensations in your body. When your mind wanders and thoughts pop into your head, you try to return your mind to the present moment.

Being mindful doesn’t have to be done sitting still or in silence. Some people like to do a walking meditation either outside or inside. You can also blend mindfulness into the things you do every day, like waiting in line, sitting at a bus stop, or eating. You can also be mindful while being with others.

Take the time to learn how to relax your mind and body. You could start with the exercises below and practice them when you can. Even doing just 5 or 10 minutes may help you feel better. You can also take a class, find videos on YouTube, buy a relaxation DVD or recording, or find other exercises online. There are also many online programs and apps for doing meditation. Be careful to only use well-known sources or those from medical schools or universities.

Getting Started with Relaxation Techniques

For each exercise, find a quiet place where you can rest undisturbed. Let others know you need time for yourself. Make the setting peaceful for you. For example, dim the lights and find a comfortable chair or couch.

You may find that your mind wanders, which is normal. When you notice yourself thinking of something else, gently direct your attention back to your body. Be sure to maintain your deep breathing.

Some people like to listen to slow, familiar music while they practice these exercises.

Breathing and muscle tensing

• Get into a comfortable position where you can relax your muscles. Close your eyes and clear your mind of distractions. You can sit up or lie down. If you’re lying down, you may want to put a small pillow under your neck and knees.
• Breathe deeply, at a slow and relaxing pace. Concentrate on breathing deeply and slowly, raising your belly with each breath, rather than just your chest.
• Next, go through each of your major muscle groups, tensing (squeezing) them for a few seconds and then letting go. Start at the top of your head and work your way down. Tense and relax your face and jaws, then shoulders and arms.
• Continue tensing and relaxing each muscle group as you go down (chest, lower back, buttocks, legs), ending with your feet. Focus completely on releasing all the tension from your muscles and notice the differences you feel when they are relaxed.
• When you are done, focus on the pleasant feeling of relaxation for as long as you like.

Slow rhythmic breathing

• Stare at an object or shut your eyes and think of a peaceful scene. Take a slow, deep breath.
• As you breathe in, tense your muscles. As you breathe out, relax your muscles and feel the tension leaving.
• Remain relaxed and begin breathing slowly and comfortably, taking about 9 to 12 breaths a minute. To maintain a slow, even rhythm, you can silently say to yourself, “In, one, two. Out, one, two."
• If you ever feel out of breath, take a deep breath, and continue the slow breathing.
• Each time you breathe out, feel yourself relaxing and going limp. Continue the slow, rhythmic breathing for up to 10 minutes.
• To end the session, count silently and slowly from one to three. Open your eyes. Say to yourself, “I feel alert and relaxed.” Begin moving slowly.

Imagery

Note: You may want to read this out loud and record it so you can follow along as you do the exercise. Or you could ask a friend to record it if you would rather not hear your own voice. You could also just read the exercise over a few times to remember the main tips.

Imagery usually works best with your eyes closed. To begin, create an image in your mind. For example, you may want to think of a place or activity that made you happy in the past. Explore this place or activity. Notice how calm you feel.

If you have severe pain, you may imagine yourself as a person without pain. In your image, cut the wires that send pain signals from one part of your body to another. Or you may want to imagine a ball of healing energy. Others have found the following exercise to be very helpful:

• Close your eyes and breathe slowly. As you breathe in, say silently and slowly to yourself, “In, one, two,” and as you breathe out, say “Out, one, two.” Do this for a few minutes.
• Imagine a ball of healing energy forming in your lungs or on your chest. Imagine it forming and taking shape.
• When you’re ready, imagine that the air you breathe in blows this ball of energy to the area where you feel pain. Once there, the ball heals and relaxes you. You may imagine that the ball gets bigger and bigger as it takes away more of your discomfort.
• As you breathe out, imagine the air blowing the ball away from your body. As it floats away, all of your pain goes with it.
• Repeat the last two steps each time you breathe in and out.

To end the imagery, count slowly to three, breathe in deeply, open your eyes, and say silently to yourself, “I feel alert and relaxed.”

All of us have a mental picture of how we look, our "self-image." Although we may not always like how we look, we're used to our self-image and accept it. But cancer and its treatment can change how you look and feel about yourself. It also can affect your sex life, which is hard to cope with too. Know that you are not alone in how you feel. Many others have similar feelings and experiences.

How Cancer Treatment Changes Your Body

For many, cancer treatment can bring changes to the way the body looks and feels. Some of these body changes are short-term while others will last forever. Either way, the way you look may be a big concern for you during or after treatment. For example, some people have to take certain drugs that cause swelling or fluid retention which makes them feel unattractive. Or for those with ostomies after colon or rectal surgery, they sometimes feel afraid to go out in public. They worry about carrying equipment around or fear that it may leak. Some may feel ashamed or afraid that others will reject them.

Every person has different changes in their body due to cancer treatment. Other people may notice some of them, while other changes only you will notice. For some of these you may need time to adjust. Issues you may face include:

• Hair loss
• Skin changes
• Scars or other changes in the way you look caused by surgery
• Weight changes
• Loss of limbs
• Ostomy
• Loss of fertility, which means it can be hard to get pregnant or father a child

Even if others can't see them, your body changes may trouble you. These losses are real and it's okay to feel upset about them. Feelings of anger and grief about changes in your body are natural. Feeling bad about your body can also lower your sex drive. This loss may make you feel even worse about yourself.

Changes in the way you look can also be hard for your loved ones, which in turn, can be hard on you. Seeing your changes may cause them to worry more about you or make comments, both of which could cause you stress. Or patients who are parents and grandparents may worry about how they look to a child or grandchild. They fear that changes in their appearance may scare the child or get in the way of their staying close.

Coping with body changes

How do you cope with body changes?

• Mourn your losses and know it's okay to feel sad, angry, and frustrated. Your feelings are real, and you have a right to grieve.
• Seek help from a counselor. Ask your doctor or nurse to suggest someone who you can talk to about your feelings.
• Try to focus on the ways that coping with cancer has made you stronger, wiser, and more realistic.
• If your skin has changed from radiation or other treatments, ask your doctor about ways you can care for it. Or ask for a referral to a dermatologist or other skincare expert.
• Look for new ways to enhance your appearance. A new haircut, hair color, makeup, or clothing may give you a lift. If you're wearing a wig, take it to a salon where they can shape and style it for you.
• Join a support group or talk to other patients for advice.
• If you choose to wear a breast form (prosthesis), make sure it fits you well. Don't be afraid to ask the clerk or someone close to you for help.

Coping with these changes can be hard. But with the passage of time and getting help from others, many people adjust to them and move forward. And know that some changes may be temporary. Ask your health care team for resources and support groups that might be helpful to you.

Being active

Many people find that being active can help their self-image and the way they feel. If you have the energy, some things you can try are:

• Walking
• Swimming
• Playing a sport
• Taking an exercise class
• Weight training
• Stretching or yoga

You may find that being active helps you cope with changes. It can reduce your stress and help you relax. It may also help you to feel stronger and more in control of your body. Start slowly if you need to and take your time. If needed, ask a trainer at your local gym or a physical therapist for tips. Talk with your doctor about ways you can stay active.

Try hobbies or volunteer work

Hobbies and volunteer work can also help improve your self-image and self-esteem. Think about what brings you comfort or joy. For example you may like to:

• read
• listen to music
• do crossword or other kinds of puzzles
• garden
• write in a journal
• do woodwork or carpentry

Volunteer work may also be something that takes your mind off things. You could volunteer at a church or a local agency, or become a mentor or tutor, for example. You may find that you feel better about yourself when you get involved in helping others and doing things you enjoy.

Changes in Your Sex Life

It's common for people to have problems with sex because of cancer and its treatment. When your treatment is over, you may feel like having sex again, but be aware that it may take some time. Sexual problems can last longer than other side effects of cancer treatment. It's important to seek help from your doctor or other expert to learn how to adapt to these changes.

Until then, you and your spouse or partner may need to find new ways to show that you care about each other. This can include touching, holding, hugging, and cuddling.

Treatment-related sexual problems

Sexual problems are often caused by changes to your body. Depending on the cancer you had, you may have short-term or long-term problems with sex during and after treatment. These changes result from chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, or certain medicines. Sometimes emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, worry, and stress may cause problems with sex.

What types of problems occur? Common concerns are:

• Worries about intimacy. Some people may struggle with their body image after cancer treatment. Some worry that they won't be able to perform or will feel less attractive. Hair loss or being seen without clothes may also be stressful to some.
• Changes in your sex drive. Pain, worries that sex will hurt, feeling bad about your body, loss of interest, depression, or cancer medicines are just some examples of what can affect sex drive.
• Changes in your sex organs. Some cancer treatments cause changes in sex organs, such as:
  • Some men can no longer get or keep an erection after treatment for prostate cancer, cancer of the penis, or cancer of the testes.
  • Some treatments can weaken a man's orgasm or make it dry. Less common problems include being unable to ejaculate or ejaculation going backward into the bladder.
  • Some women find it harder, or even painful, to have sex. Some women also have pain or numbness in their genital area or changes in sensation. While some cancer treatments can cause these problems, there may be no clear cause.
• Having menopause symptoms. When women stop getting their periods, they can get hot flashes, dryness or tightness in the vagina, and/or other problems that can affect their desire to have sex.
• Losing the ability to have children. Some cancer treatments can cause infertility, making it impossible for cancer survivors to have children. But keep in mind that:
  • Depending on your age, the type of treatment you received, and the length of time since treatment, you may still be able to have children.
  • Families can come together in many ways. Some people choose adoption or surrogacy. Some people get involved in the lives of nieces or nephews, or in child mentoring programs.
  • You may choose to focus on other interests and passions in life.
  • You can reach out to your health care team with questions or concerns, as well as to professionally led support groups. Or you can contact Livestrong Fertility for more information, and for referrals to fertility programs in the United States.

Ask for help

Even though you may feel awkward, let your doctor or nurse know if you're having problems with intimacy or sex. There may be treatments or other ways you and your loved one can find pleasure with each other. If your doctor can't talk with you about sexual problems, ask for the name of a doctor or other expert who can. Some people also find it helpful to talk with other couples.

Sexual problems may not always get better on their own. Sometimes there can be an underlying medical problem that causes changes. Know that there are ways you can get help. Some common sexual changes and potential solutions are:

• Erection problems. Medicine, assistive devices, counseling, surgery, or other approaches may help.
• Vaginal dryness. Dryness or tightness in the vagina can be caused by menopause. Ask whether using a water-based lubricant during sex, using vaginal dilators before sex, and/or taking hormones or using a hormone cream are options for you.
• Muscle weakness. You can help strengthen muscles in your genital area by doing Kegel exercises. This is when you practice controlling your muscles to stop the flow of urine. You can do these exercises even when you are not urinating. Just tighten and relax the muscles as you sit, stand, or go about your day.

Other issues you may want to talk to your doctor about include:

• Concerns about having children. Discuss family planning concerns with your doctor. If you're a woman, ask if you still need to use birth control, even if you are not getting your period.
• Talking with a counselor. Changes in sexual health can cause feelings of loss and sadness for many. And some people find that sexual problems related to cancer start to strain their relationship with their partner. If this is the case, ask a nurse or social worker if you can talk to a counselor. Talking to someone alone, or with your partner, may help.
• Seeing a specialist. A sex therapist may be able to help you talk openly about your problems, work through your concerns, and come up with new ways to help you and your partner.

Tell your partner how you feel

Talking to your loved one and sharing your feelings and concerns is very important. Even for a couple that has been together a long time, it can be hard to stay connected.

Let your partner know if you want to have sex or would rather just hug, kiss, and cuddle. They may be afraid to have sex with you. Or your partner may be worried about hurting you or think that you're not feeling well.

For some, talking about sex isn't easy, even if it's with someone you're close to. But if you can, talk to your partner about any concerns you have about your sex life. Try to be open about your feelings and stay positive to avoid blame.

Find other ways to be intimate

You can still have an intimate relationship in spite of cancer. Although sexual problems may remain for a while, you can still find other ways to show that you care about each other. Feeling close to your partner is important.

Intimacy isn't just physical. It also involves feelings. Here are some ways to improve your intimate relationship:

• Focus on just talking and renewing your connection.
• Protect your time together. Turn off the phone and TV. If needed, find someone to take care of the kids for a few hours.
• Plan time to be together without being physical. For example, you may want to listen to music or take a walk.
• Try new touch. Cancer treatment or surgery can change a patient's body. Areas where touch used to feel good may now be numb or painful. Some of these changes will go away. Some will stay. For now, you can figure out together what kinds of touch feel good, such as holding, hugging, and cuddling.
• Focus on the positive things in your relationship. If you can, try to be aware of your thoughts, since they, too, can affect your sex life.

How Cancer Affects Your Dating Life

If you're single, body changes and concerns about sex can affect how you feel about dating. As you struggle to accept the changes yourself, you may also worry about how others will feel. Common concerns include:

• You may wonder how someone will react to physical things, such as hair loss, scars or ostomies.
• It can feel awkward to bring up sexual problems or loss of fertility, which can make feeling close even harder.
• You don't feel like the same person after going through cancer treatment.

Starting to date again may feel like a challenge. You may wonder how and when to tell a new person in your life about your cancer and body changes. For some cancer survivors, the fear of being rejected keeps them from seeking the social life they would like to have. Others who choose not to date may face pressure from friends or family to be more sociable. Here are some ideas that can make it easier to get back into social situations:

• Focus on activities that you have time to enjoy, such as going to festivals and group outings, taking classes or joining a club.
• Try not to let cancer be an excuse for not dating and trying to meet people.
• Wait until you feel a sense of trust and friendship before telling a new date about your cancer.
• Talk to your friends about dating or get advice from other cancer survivors.

Think about dating as a learning process with the goal of having a social life you enjoy. You get to choose who or how often you date. And not every date has to be perfect. If some people reject you (which can happen with or without cancer), you have not failed. Try to remember that not all dates worked out before you had cancer. And perhaps, your cancer experience gives you a sense of purpose and appreciation for a relationship that you didn't have before.

If you feel well enough, keep up with your daily routine. This includes:

• Going to work
• Spending time with family and friends
• Taking part in activities
• Going on trips

Think about how you want to spend your time and who you like to be with. What makes you happy? What types of things do you enjoy the most?

My cancer made me take a closer look at how I spend my days. I vowed to use my time in ways that were good for me or brought me pleasure.

Lindsay

Have Fun

You can still have joy in your life while having cancer. Sometimes people with cancer try new, fun things that they have never done before. For instance, have you always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon or go on a boat cruise? What fun things have you always wanted to try, but have never taken the time to do?

Try to do something just for fun, not because you have to do it. But be careful not to tire yourself out. Some people get depressed when they are too tired. Make sure to get enough rest so you feel strong and can enjoy these fun activities.

Look for What Makes You Laugh and Smile

Is cancer life-threatening? Yes, but why die mad? So I joked about it all the way through, and I think it helped me.

Ari

If you like to joke with your friends and family don't stop now. For many people, humor is a way to gain a sense of control. Laughter can help you relax. When you laugh, your brain releases chemicals that produce pleasure and relax your muscles. Even a smile can fight off stressful thoughts. Of course, you may not always feel like laughing, but other people have found that these ideas can help:

• Ask people to send you funny cards
• Enjoy the amusing things children and pets do
• Watch funny movies or TV shows
• Listen to comedy recordings and podcasts
• Buy a funny desk calendar
• Read humor-related books or articles
• Check out websites and videos on the Internet. If you don't own a computer, use one at your local library

You may even find that you can laugh at yourself. "I went by to help a friend this summer, and it was really hot, so I took my wig off," one woman said. "I got ready to go and I couldn't find it. After searching high and low, I found it hanging from her dog's mouth. But I just stuck it on my head and went home. My husband said, 'What happened?' Needless to say that wig has never been the same."

Exercise and Physical Activity

Research shows many people find they have more energy when they take part in physical activities such as swimming, walking, yoga, and biking. They find that these types of exercise, or anything that gets their body moving, helps to keep them strong and makes them feel good. A bit of exercise every day:

• Improves your chances of feeling better
• Keeps your muscles toned
• Speeds your healing
• Decreases fatigue
• Controls stress
• Increases appetites
• Decreases constipation
• Helps free your mind of bad thoughts

Even if you have never exercised before, you can start now. Choose something you think you'd like to do, and get your doctor's okay to try it. There are things you can do even if you have to stay in bed.

Set Goals to Look Forward to

You may find it helpful to look beyond your treatment and think about what you want to do when you feel well again. Many people set goals so that they can work toward something. For example, they research and plan a trip, or they think about classes and learning things they’ve always meant to learn. They may look forward to going to a wedding or meeting a new grandchild.

Many people with cancer look more deeply for meaning in their lives. They want to understand their purpose in life or why they got cancer. Spirituality means the way you look at the world and how you make sense of your place in it. Spirituality can include faith or religion, beliefs, values, and "reasons for being."

What Being Spiritual May Mean to You

Being spiritual can mean different things to everyone. It's a very personal issue. Everyone has their own beliefs or practices such as:

• Finding it through religion or faith
• Practicing certain rituals
• Meditating or yoga
• Volunteering or doing things for others
• Teaching
• Reading or writing
• Being in nature or with animals

How Cancer May Affect Your Spirituality or Faith

Having cancer may cause you to think about what you believe, whether you're connected to a traditional religion or not. It's normal to view the experience both negatively and positively at the same time. Some people find that cancer brings more meaning to their faith. Others feel that their faith has let them down and they struggle to understand why they have cancer. For example, they might question their relationship with God.

Some people look for a sense of peace or connection with loved ones. They find that having cancer causes them to enhance their bonds with the people closest to them. Others try to forgive themselves for past actions they took or didn’t take. Or they look to forgive others and make it a time for healing relationships.

While you may realize what’s important to you, it’s also normal to feel distressed. Some people have feelings of uncertainty about their purpose in life. Others have a lack of hope or worries about their loved ones.

Your Values May Change

Many people also find that cancer changes their values. They make changes to reflect what matters most to them now. The things you own and your daily duties may seem less important. You may decide to spend more time with loved ones or do something to help others. Or you may take more time to do things in the outdoors or learn about something new. For some, faith can be an important part of both coping with and recovering from cancer.

Finding Comfort and Meaning During Cancer

If you want to find faith-based or spiritual support, many hospitals have chaplains who are trained to give support to people of different faiths, as well as those who aren't religious at all. You could also ask your health care team about local experts or organizations that help cancer patients and survivors.

Some ideas that have helped others find comfort and meaning are:

• Praying or meditating
• Reading uplifting stories about the human spirit
• Talking with others with similar experiences
• Taking time alone to reflect on life and relationships
• Writing in a journal
• Finding a special place where you find beauty or a sense of calm
• Taking part in community or social gatherings for support and to support others

People with cancer often want to get back to work. Their jobs not only give them an income but also a sense of routine. Work helps people feel good about themselves.

Before you go back to work, talk with your doctor as well as your boss. You will all want to make sure you're well enough to do your job. You may need to work fewer hours or do your job in a different way. Some people feel well enough to work while they're having chemo or radiation treatment. Others need to take time off until their treatments are over.

Talking with Your Boss and Coworkers

The response of coworkers about your cancer treatment may differ. Some people may be a huge source of support, while others may be a source of anger or frustration. Some people mean well, but they don't know the right thing to say. Maybe they just don't know how to offer support. Others don't want to deal with your cancer at all. They may think that you aren't able to work as hard as before.

If coworkers seem unsupportive, it could be because they're anxious for you or for themselves. Your cancer experience may threaten them because it reminds them that cancer can happen to anyone. Try to understand their fears and be patient as you try to regain a good relationship. But some people with cancer say that they get tired of trying to act cheerful around others. Many say that friendships change as they let go of their casual ones and give more time to the meaningful ones.

Relating to Others at Work

How do you relate to other people in your life when you go back to work? Does it feel good to return or do you worry how others will react? Here are some tips for returning to work:

• Accept help. When people offer to help, say yes, and have in mind some things that they could do to make your life easier. In this way, you will get the support you need, and they will feel helpful.
• Talk to others. If you find that a coworker's feelings about cancer are hurting you, try to resolve the problem with that person face-to-face. If it's still affecting your work after that, your manager, employee assistance counselor, or personnel office may be able to help.
• Address problems that come up from the start. Supervisors or coworkers may be able to help those around you understand how you want to be treated.
• Try to keep up contacts during your recovery. Coworkers will worry about you. But if they are kept up-to-date about your progress, they will be less anxious and scared. Talk to them on the phone, send email, or appoint a trusted friend or family member to do this for you. Your return to work or other activities will be easier for you and others if you stay in touch.
• Plan what you'll say about your cancer. There is no right way to deal with others about your illness, but you do need to think about what you'll say when you're back on the job. Some people don't want to focus on their cancer or be linked in people's minds with the disease. Others are very open about it, speaking frankly with their boss or other workers to air concerns, correct wrong ideas, and decide how to work together. The best approach is the one that feels right to you.

Your Legal Rights at Work

Some people with cancer face roadblocks when they try to go back to work or get a new job. Even people who had cancer many years ago may still have trouble. Employers may not treat them fairly because of false beliefs about cancer. For example, an employer may think cancer can be spread from person to person or that people with cancer take too many sick days. Some employers also think that people with cancer are poor insurance risks.

It is against the law to discriminate against (treat unfairly) workers who have disabilities such as cancer. There are national laws that protect your rights as a worker. And if you're looking for a new job, you have no legal obligation to talk about your cancer history unless your past health has a direct impact on the job you seek.

Handling Problems at Work

• Decide how to handle the problem.
  • What are your rights as an employee?
  • Are you willing to take action to correct a problem?
  • Do you still want to work there? Or would you rather look for a new job?
• If necessary, ask your employer to adjust to your needs.
  • Start by talking informally to your supervisor, personnel office, employee assistance counselor, shop steward, or union representative.
  • Ask for a change that would make it easier for you to keep your job (for example, flextime, working at home, special equipment at work).
  • Document each request and its outcome for your records.
• Get help working with your employer if you need it.
  • Ask your doctor or nurse to find times for follow-up visits that don't conflict with your other responsibilities.
  • Get your doctor to write a letter to your employer or personnel officer explaining how, if at all, your cancer may affect your work or your schedule.

Talk with your social worker about laws in your state. Your social worker can give you the name of the state agency that protects your rights as an employee. You may also want to ask about benefits you can get as a person with cancer.

Learning that you have cancer can be a shock and you may feel overwhelmed at first. When you meet with your doctor, you will hear a lot of information. These questions may help you learn more about your cancer and what you can expect next.

• What type of cancer do I have?
• What is the stage of my cancer?
• Has it spread to other areas of my body?
• Will I need more tests before treatment begins? Which ones?
• Which types of doctors do I need to see for my cancer treatment?
• Will you help me find a doctor to give me another opinion on the best treatment plan for me?
• How serious is my cancer?
• What are my chances of survival?

You may want to ask your doctor some of the following questions before you decide on your cancer treatment.

Questions about Cancer Treatment

• What are treatments for my type and stage of cancer?
• Where can I find more information about the types of cancer treatments?
• What are the benefits and risks of each of these treatments?
• What treatment do you recommend? Why do you think it is best for me?
• When will I need to start treatment?
• Will I need to be in the hospital for treatment? If so, for how long?
• What is my chance of recovery with this treatment?
• How will we know if the treatment is working?
• Would a clinical trial (research study) be right for me?
• How do I find out about studies for my type and stage of cancer?

Questions about Finding a Specialist and Getting a Second Opinion

• Will I need a specialist(s) for my cancer treatment?
• Will you help me find a doctor to give me another opinion on the best treatment plan for me?

Questions about What Happens during Treatment

• Where will I go for treatment?
• How is the treatment given?
• How long will each treatment session take?
• How many treatment sessions will I have?
• Should a family member or friend come with me to my treatment sessions?
• How will I feel after each treatment? Will I be able to go about my day or should I plan to rest?
• Will treatment affect my appetite or make it hard to eat?

Questions about Side Effects

• What are the possible side effects of the treatment?
• What side effects may happen during or between my treatment sessions?
• Are there any side effects that I should call you about right away?
• Are there any lasting effects of the treatment?
• Will this treatment affect my ability to have children?
• How can I prevent or treat side effects?

Questions about Medicines and Other Products You Might Be Taking

• Do I need to tell you about the medicines I am taking now?
• Should I tell you about dietary supplements (such as vitamins, minerals, herbs, or fish oil) that I am taking?
• Could any drugs or supplements change the way that cancer treatment works?

If you are thinking about taking part in a clinical trial, you should feel free to ask any questions or bring up any issues concerning the trial at any time. The following suggestions may give you some ideas as you think about your own questions.

The study

• What is the purpose of the study?
• Why do researchers think the approach may be effective?
• Who will fund the study?
• Who has reviewed and approved the study?
• How are study results and safety of participants being monitored?
• How long will the study last?
• What will my responsibilities be if I take part?
• Who will tell me about the results of the study and how will I be informed?

Risks and possible benefits

• What are my possible short-term benefits?
• What are my possible long-term benefits?
• What are my short-term risks, and side effects?
• What are my long-term risks?
• What other options are available?
• How do the risks and possible benefits of this trial compare with those options?

Participation and care

• What kinds of therapies, procedures and/or tests will I have during the trial?
• Will they hurt, and if so, for how long?
• How do the tests in the study compare with those I would have outside of the trial?
• Will I be able to take my regular medications while taking part in the clinical trial?
• Where will I have my medical care?
• Who will be in charge of my care?

Personal issues

• How could being in this study affect my daily life?
• Can I talk to other people in the study?

Cost issues

• Will I have to pay for any part of the trial such as tests or the study drug?
• If so, what will the charges likely be?
• What is my health insurance likely to cover?
• Who can help answer any questions from my insurance company or health plan?
• Will there be any travel or child care costs that I need to consider while I am in the trial?

Tips for asking your doctor about trials

• Consider taking a family member or friend along for support and for help in asking questions or recording answers.
• Plan what to ask — but don't hesitate to ask any new questions.
• Write down questions in advance to remember them all.
• Write down the answers so that they’re available when needed.
• Ask about bringing a tape recorder to make a taped record of what's said (even if you write down answers).

This information courtesy of Cancer.gov.

When you have finished your cancer treatment, you will talk with your doctor about next steps and follow-up care. You may want to ask your doctor some of the following questions:

• How long will it take for me to get better and feel more like myself?
• What kind of care should I expect after my treatment?
• What long-term health issues can I expect as a result of my cancer and its treatment?
• What is the chance that my cancer will return?
• What symptoms should I tell you about?
• Who do I call if I develop these symptoms?
• What can I do to be as healthy as possible?
• Which doctor(s) should I see for my follow-up care? How often?
• What tests do I need after treatment is over? How often will I have the tests?
• What records do I need to keep about my treatment?
• Is there a counselor I can talk to or an online or in-person support group you can suggest?

If you learn that you have advanced cancer, you will have choices to make about your care and what steps you need to take. Studies show that people who discuss these issues with their doctor have a better quality of life than those who don’t.

You can hope for the best while still being informed about your choices. When you meet with your doctor, think about asking some of these questions:

Questions about Your Cancer

• What does “advanced cancer” mean for me?
• How long can I live with my advanced cancer?
• Are there tests I should have now to better understand the extent of my cancer?

Questions about Treatment Choices

• What’s the best we can hope for by trying another treatment? What’s the goal?
• What are my treatment choices? Which do you recommend for me and why?
• Is this treatment plan meant to help side effects, slow the growth of my cancer, or both?
• Is there a chance that a new treatment will be found while we try the old one?
• Would a clinical trial be right for me?
• What kind of care will I receive to keep me comfortable if I decide not to have active treatment for my cancer?

Questions about Symptoms and Side Effects

• What are the possible side effects and other downsides of this treatment? How likely are they?
• How can I manage the symptoms of my advanced cancer or the side effects of its treatment?
• Can you refer me to a palliative care specialist to help me cope with my side effects?

Talking about these questions may help you decide whether to continue or to begin active treatment. Tell your health care team exactly what you want to know, and how much you can take in. If possible, it's best to involve your loved ones in this process. It will help you figure out your needs and the needs of others close to you.

When Someone You Love is Being Treated for Cancer is for friends or family members caring for a person with cancer.

Being a caregiver to someone you love may mean helping with daily activities such as going to doctor’s visits or preparing food. It can also be coordinating care and services or offering emotional support. But during this time, it’s important that caregivers take care of themselves, too.

This booklet covers:

• Understanding the changes that come in your life with caregiving
• How to cope with your feelings
• Ways to ask for help and support
• Tips on taking care of your physical and emotional health
• How to talk with your kids about cancer
• Talking with your loved one who has cancer
• Dealing with other family members and friends

This booklet is not about how to take care of someone with cancer. Instead, it's about how caregivers can care for themselves while coping with the highs and lows of caring for someone with cancer. It gives communication and self-care tips to focus on your needs while helping your loved one too.

Facing Forward: Life After Cancer Treatment is for people who have completed cancer treatment. Family and friends may also want to read this booklet.

Once treatment is over, many cancer survivors feel that although they are happy it’s over, they also wonder about what comes next. Many say that they had lots of information and support during their illness, but now there are new questions and concerns to address.

This booklet covers:

• Your new normal after treatment
• Getting follow-up medical care and how to talk with your doctor
• Following a care plan and changes to make for health and wellness
• Ways to manage physical changes from cancer or the disease
• Body changes and intimacy issues after treatment
• Coping with your feelings
• Going back to work and relating with friends and coworkers

Show this booklet to the people who are close to you so they understand what life is like after cancer treatment. Take it with you to doctor visits to discuss the content with your health care team, especially the follow-up care sections.