Lesbians are women who are attracted to other females and prefer intimate relationships with them.

Sexual orientation is on a spectrum. People may be at either end of that spectrum. That means they may identify as homosexual (gay) and be little, if at all, attracted to members of the opposite sex. Or, they may identify as heterosexual (straight) and be little, if at all, attracted to members of the same sex.

There are also sexual identities in between those two ends of the spectrum. Some women identify as strictly lesbian—they feel no, or very little, attraction to men. Other women identify as bisexual or pansexual:

• Bisexuals are attracted to people of both genders
• Pansexuals are attracted to people regardless of their gender

The term “bisexual” is controversial because it implies there are only two genders. There are many gender identities.

Some women who are attracted to other women prefer the terms “gay,” “queer,” or “questioning” to describe themselves.

Like sexuality, gender identity is on a spectrum. Some individuals have a gender that’s neither male nor female. People may see themselves as gender-fluid, or nonbinary. They may identify as both female and male at certain times. At other times, they may identify as either a male or a female. And sometimes they may identify as having no gender at all.

There’s no set age for discovering you’re a lesbian. Often girls are clear from an early age that they’re attracted to other females. Those preferences may continue into adulthood and throughout their lives.

Other young women discover they’re attracted to both males and females and identify as bisexual/pansexual or queer. Women may experiment with different sexual preferences and, after experimentation, conclude that they’re exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. Other women may continue to be attracted to different genders throughout their lives. And some women who have long identified as straight discover as adults that they have lesbian preferences.

All of these behaviors are normal. There is no one right way to develop sexually.

Even after years of research and study, it’s still not clear why some women are lesbian and some aren’t. Nobody knows what role, if any, family dynamics and social factors play in determining sexual preferences. It is clear, though, that biology plays a big role in the development of a person’s gender identity and sexual orientation. Sexual orientation may be determined, at least in part, by genetics, although no specific “gay” genes have been identified. Exposure of the fetus in the womb to different hormones may have something to do with sexual preferences as well.

To be a lesbian isn’t an illness, it’s normal. As with gay men, there have been lesbian women all throughout history, in every culture and country. There’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about it.

“Conversion therapy,” to which adolescents may be subjected, claims it can “cure” homosexuality and turn homosexual people straight. These treatments are not only ineffective, they’re harmful. They can cause depression, anxiety, and suicidal impulses.

If you’re attracted to other females and are uncomfortable with your feelings, it’s better to work on accepting yourself for who you are than to try and “cure” yourself of having homosexual feelings.

Don’t be in a rush or feel pressured to decide if you’re lesbian. It can take a while to work out your sexual preferences. Whether you’re lesbian will become clear to you only in time.

To understand your sexual identity, it’s important for you to be honest with yourself about your feelings. You might want to ask yourself some questions, like:

• Can I imagine myself in a relationship with another female?
• Do I have fantasies or dreams about having sex with a girl or woman?
• Do I feel uncomfortable or left out when my straight friends are talking about guys they’re interested in?

If you’re unsure of your sexual preferences, or your feelings are causing you discomfort, you might want to talk to people you trust. That could mean friends, family members, healthcare providers, clergy, or counselors. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can help you to process them and feel less isolated.

You can’t tell if someone is lesbian just by looking at her. A straight girl may feel most comfortable wearing traditionally “masculine” attire like pants and baggy shirts, while a lesbian may prefer to dress in a traditionally “feminine” way, wearing dresses and makeup. How you dress and behave is about your personal identity, not necessarily your sexual preferences.

Coming out is telling family and friends that you’re lesbian or bisexual/pansexual. This can be a very healthy thing to do, especially if you’ve been hiding your sexual feelings.

More and more young women have been coming out in recent decades. A 2021 study showed that between 2005 and 2015, the percentage of young women (average age 16) identifying as nonheterosexual rose from 12.2% to 17.8%. That’s close to one out of five young women!

You can choose who you want to come out to. You may want to talk to a good friend or a counselor first, especially if you think your parents would have a negative reaction. Sometimes women who come out discover that other people already knew or had an idea that they were lesbian or bisexual/pansexual and aren’t at all surprised.

However, it may be very hard for some of the people in your life to accept who you are. Be prepared for many different reactions if you decide to come out.

You might consider coming out if keeping your lesbian or bisexual/pansexual feelings a secret is causing you distress and you think you’d feel better if you were open about them.

There’s a popular belief that women who have sex with women are less likely to get sexually transmitted infections (STIs). In one study, only about a third of lesbian teens talked about using barriers such as condoms or dental dams with their most recent sex partner, compared with almost two-thirds of bisexual teens and about three-quarters of straight teens.

Women who have sex with women are especially at risk for STIs. These may include bacterial vaginitis, human papillomavirus, and HIV/AIDS. Bear in mind that about one in five lesbian and four in five bisexual teen girls who are sexually active had a recent male sex partner.

Having sex is a big step. Even if you’re quite sure you’re lesbian or bisexual/pansexual, you don’t need to have woman-on-woman sex until you’re really ready.

When you are ready, have sex safely. STIs are transmitted through body fluids. Oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, and sex using toys or dildos can all transmit STIs, including HIV/AIDS. Use dental dams (small sheets of latex) over the vagina or anus for oral sex. If you’re in a monogamous (one partner only) relationship, you can get tested for STIs. If you’re both free of infection, and you agree to tell each other if you have other partners during your relationship, you might decide to stop using dams.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual/pansexual, transgender, and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) teens have higher rates of suicide risk and substance use. This is due in part to the violence, discrimination, and harassment they may face for their sexual preferences.

Discrimination on the basis of sexuality is illegal. If you’re being verbally or physically abused, let someone in authority or a law enforcement officer know. However, sometimes school policies, authorities, and law enforcement don’t reflect your basic rights. If that’s the case, talk to a supportive adult that can help.