What is abstinence (“deciding to wait”)?

Complete abstinence is not having any kind of sex (oral, vaginal or anal sex) with a partner. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex.

The decision to have sex or not have sex (abstinence) is your choice. Only you can decide if having sex is right for you.

Not everyone is having sex. If anyone tries to pressure you into a choice that does not feel right - walk away. Many people regret having sex before they are actually ready to have sex. Abstinence can mean different things to different people. Some definitions of abstinence are:

• No sexual activity - vaginal, oral or anal intercourse
• No sexual touching at all
• No skin-to-skin contact
• Everything but vaginal intercourse
• Some sexual touching

How does abstinence prevent pregnancy?

Complete abstinence every time from oral, vaginal and anal sex prevents pregnancy by keeping sperm out of the vagina.

How effective is abstinence?

Complete abstinence every time from oral, vaginal and anal sex is 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. It also prevents sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

What are the benefits of abstinence?

• Free, always available, and has no side effects
• No risk of unplanned pregnancy
• Less risk for sexually transmitted infections; Some sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as human papilloma virus (HPV) and herpes spread through oral and anal sex or even intimate skin-to-skin contact without actual penetration
• More time to build your relationship together
• Helps you to learn how to express affection and sexuality in other ways (such as holding hands, kissing, hugging)
• Helps you maintain your values and beliefs

IT’S YOUR CHOICE

• If you decide abstinence is the right choice for you:
• Know what your sexual limits and boundaries are.
• Talk to your partner and have a clear understanding that abstinence is your choice and what your limits and boundaries are.
• Drinking alcohol and using drugs decreases your inhibitions and makes it harder to stick to your decision to not have sex.
• When you are in a situation with a lot of pressure to have sex, have a back-up plan to help change the mood (tell a joke, ask for some water, etc.).
• Hang out with friends and do more group activities for fun.

REMEMBER:

• Abstinence is the best protection against unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)
• If you choose to have sex (oral, vaginal or anal), use a vinyl or latex condom to protect yourself
• Remember some STIs like herpes (HSV) or genital warts (HPV- human papilloma virus) can be acquired in areas not covered by a condom
• The choice to have sex or not have sex is yours and you can make that choice at any time

Abstinence means not having sex (vaginal, oral or anal). At any point in your life you may decide not to have sex. Not having sex at all is the only 100% effective way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. If you change your mind, you may want to choose another birth control method to keep from getting pregnant. The decision to have sex is your personal decision and responsibility each and every time.

Advantages of abstinence:

• Abstinence is free and available to all, at any time.
• Abstinence can encourage people to build relationships in other, non-sexual ways.
• Psychological effects might include feelings of being in control of one's life, positive self esteem.

Potential disadvantages of abstinence:

• A person may choose to use abstinence and then change his or her mind "in the heat of the moment". It is important to decide in advance what intimate activities you will say "yes" to and those you will not. Avoid high pressure sexual situations and drugs or alcohol that can affect your good judgment.
• Psychological effects could include a sense of failure or disappointment if abstinence cannot be maintained as planned.

Potential health risks:

• There are no health risks to successfully practicing abstinence.

Abstinence-choosing not to engage in sexual contact with another person-can be a very powerful personal choice. Some people see it as the only moral option for unmarried men and women; others see it as a choice that can free them temporarily from physical distractions or preoccupations in order to pursue other avenues of personal growth.

People choose abstinence for many reasons, and at many different times of their lives. They may choose it because of religious or moral teachings that prohibit sexual contact outside of a strictly limited set of circumstances. They may choose it because they're more worried about STDs and pregnancy than interested in sexual expression. They may choose it to improve their semen quality in the hope of achieving pregnancy with their partner. All reasons are equally valid, and no one should be judged for choosing to be abstinent—just as they shouldn't be judged for choosing to have responsible sex.

Individuals have many different definitions of abstinence. For some people, being abstinent means no erotic contact more extreme than holding hands or kissing. For others, it means everything except vaginal intercourse, up to and including oral and anal sex. No health professional, parent, or teacher would consider the second definition to be abstinence, but knowing that some people consider it to be demonstrates the importance of clear and specific communication.

You may hear so many messages suggesting that it’s a good idea to have sex, from songs on the radio to talk at school. You may also feel curious about sex or have a strong attraction to someone.

Deciding to have sex is a big deal, though, so think it through. You could wind up with an unplanned pregnancy. You could also catch an STD, or sexually transmitted disease (also known as an STI, or sexually transmitted infection).

Having sex before you’re ready can seriously hurt your relationship — and your feelings. Few people regret waiting to have sex, but many wish they hadn’t started early.

Keep in mind that even if you’ve already had sex, you can still choose to stop. Read on to see why abstinence — not having sex — makes a lot of good sense.

Unplanned pregnancy

Getting pregnant before you’re ready can be a huge shock. The emotional stress and money worries of raising a baby can be a lot even for an older couple. Imagine what your life would be like if you had to get up with a baby in the night and take care of it every day!

Abstinence is the safest way to prevent the challenges that come with teen pregnancy. Check out some of these facts about teen pregnancy:

• Teen mothers are less likely to finish high school.
• Teen moms are more likely to be — and stay — single parents.
• Babies born to teen moms face greater health risks.
• Teen moms face health risks, too, including possibly being obese later in life.
• Teen moms are at a higher risk of being poor.
• Kids of teen moms are more likely to have problems in school and with the police.

If you do get pregnant, remember that you need to take care of yourself. Be sure to see a doctor. Get help from a trusted adult, like your parents, grandparents, or school counselor.

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)

Sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs (also known as sexually transmitted infections or STIs) are a huge problem among young people.

Consider some reasons that abstinence makes sense in staying safe from STDs:

• One in 4 teen girls has an STD.
• Condoms decrease the risk of STDs, but they are not 100 percent effective. This is especially true for STDs that can spread just by skin-to-skin contact, such as herpes, which has no cure.
• Having an STD increases your chances of getting HIV, too, and there is no cure for HIV.
• Some STDs have no symptoms, so you can’t know if your partner is infected. A partner with no symptoms can still give the STD to you, though.
• Some STDs have no symptoms, so you can’t know if you have them, but they can cause serious health problems. These problems include trouble getting pregnant when you are ready to have a baby.

What if I don’t have “real” sex?

Different people may have different definitions of abstinence. Some think it means not having sexual intercourse, but others think it means avoiding other sexual acts, too. Experts say complete abstinence — not having vaginal, oral, and anal sex — is safest. Consider these facts:

• Even if you don’t have intercourse but semen (cum) gets in your vagina, there’s a chance you could get an STD or get pregnant.
• You can get some STDs from oral sex.
• It’s easier to get some STDs from anal sex than from vaginal sex.

Avoiding intimate sexual contact, including skin-to-skin genital contact, is the only sure way to prevent all STDs and pregnancy. If you are having sexual contact, though, it’s super-smart to use a condom.

Also keep in mind that acts like oral sex are intimate acts. Try to think about whether you want to do something intimate before you do it. Think about having respect for yourself and having the respect of your partner.

Stats on sex

As you consider whether abstinence is right for you, consider some research on what teens think about sex.

Sex by the numbers

Check out some fast facts about sex.

Do lots of teens wish they could slow down their sex lives? Yes.

Do many girls wish they had waited to have sex? Yes.

Do teens think boys get the message that abstinence is okay? No.

Sources: Kaiser Family Foundation and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy

Ways to stick to abstinence

It’s not always easy to abstain from sex. It can help to make a plan ahead of time and get support from people you trust. You might try talking with your parents/guardians about sex to see if they have advice. You also might keep in mind the reasons you made the choice to be abstinent.

Don’t be afraid to take a stand with your partner. If you are close enough with someone to consider having sex, you should be close enough to talk about the decision. If you and your partner can’t agree, then you might think about whether you’d be better off with someone whose beliefs are closer to your own.

Your own body may tell you to give up on abstinence. Remember that your body is not in charge! Remind yourself of the possible physical, emotional, and financial costs of having sex before you’re really ready.

Consider these tips for staying abstinent:

• Get involved. Some people find it helps to get involved in activities that let them focus on something other than sex, like volunteering or joining a sports team.
• Get together. When you hang out with your date, it can help to hang out in a group. Also, try not to spend a lot of time in secluded places with no one else around or at someone’s house when no adults are home.
• Get out. Always take a cell phone and cab or bus money in case you want to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
• Practice. Think about how to say “no” ahead of time, so you don’t have to come up with replies on the spot.
• Stay sober. Drugs and alcohol can make you more likely to do something you otherwise never would.

Sex talk

Maybe your partner says, “If you love me, you’ll have sex with me.” It’s just not true. You don’t have to have sex with someone to prove you care. Sharing time, thoughts, feelings, and mutual respect are what make a relationship strong. And don’t ever feel like you owe your date anything sexually because that person spent money on you. You don’t owe that person anything — except “thank you”!

What is abstinence? Abstinence means not having oral, vaginal, or anal sex. An abstinent person is someone who’s never had sex or someone who’s had sex but has decided not to continue having sex for some period of time.

What we know about abstinence

Abstinence is a 100% effective way to prevent HIV, other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and pregnancy. The longer you wait to start having oral, vaginal, or anal sex, the fewer sex partners you are likely to have in your lifetime. Having fewer partners lowers your chances of having sex with someone who has HIV or another STD.

Some STDs are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact (like human papillomavirus or HPV, genital herpes, and syphilis), so even if you don’t have anal or vaginal sex (or if you use a condom when you have sex), you can get those STDs.

What you can do

Choose to be abstinent and talk to your partner about that decision. Not having sex is a 100% effective way to prevent getting or transmitting HIV.