Research suggests that one of the most important factors in healthy child development is a strong, open relationship with a parent. It is important to start talking to your children about alcohol and other drugs before they are exposed to them.

Use These 5 Goals When Talking to Kids about Alcohol and Other Drugs

1. Show you disapprove of underage drinking and other drug misuse.

Over 80 percent of young people ages 10–18 say their parents are the leading influence on their decision whether to drink. Send a clear and strong message that you disapprove of underage drinking and misuse of other drugs.

2. Show you care about your child’s health, wellness, and success.

Young people are more likely to listen when they know you’re on their side. Reinforce why you don’t want your child to drink or use other drugs—because you want your child to be happy and safe. The conversation will go a lot better if you’re open and you show concern.

3. Show you’re a good source of information about alcohol and other drugs.

You want your child to make informed decisions about alcohol and other drugs with reliable information about their dangers. You don’t want your child to learn about alcohol and other drugs from unreliable sources. Establish yourself as a trustworthy source of information.

4. Show you’re paying attention and you’ll discourage risky behaviors.

Show you’re aware of what your child is up to, as young people are more likely to drink or use other drugs if they think no one will notice. Do this in a subtle way, without prying.

5. Build your child’s skills and strategies for avoiding underage drinking and drug use.

Even if you don’t think your child wants to drink or try other drugs, peer pressure is a powerful thing. Having a plan to avoid alcohol and drug use can help children make better choices. Talk with your child about what they would do if faced with a decision about alcohol and drugs, such as texting a code word to a family member or practicing how they’ll say “no thanks.”

Keep it low-key. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get everything across in one talk. Plan to have many short talks.

Learn why you should talk with your child about alcohol and other drugs.

Parents Have a Significant Influence in Their Children’s Decisions to Experiment With Alcohol and Other Drugs

One of the most influential factors during a child’s adolescence is maintaining a strong, open relationship with a parent. When parents create supportive and nurturing environments, children make better decisions. Though it may not always seem like it, children really hear their parents’ concerns, which is why it’s important that parents discuss the risks of using alcohol and other drugs.

It’s Better to Talk Before Children Are Exposed to Alcohol and Other Drugs

If you talk to your kids directly and honestly, they are more likely to respect your rules and advice about alcohol and drug use. When parents talk with their children early and often about alcohol and other drugs, they can protect their children from many of the high-risk behaviors associated with using these drugs.

Some Children May Try Alcohol or Other Drugs at a Very Young Age

It is never too early to talk to your children about alcohol and other drugs. Children as young as nine years old already start viewing alcohol in a more positive way, and approximately 3,300 kids as young as 12 try marijuana each day. Additionally, about five in 10 kids as young as 12 obtain prescription pain relievers for nonmedical purposes. The earlier you start talking, the better.

The Older Kids Get, the More Likely They’ll Try Alcohol or Other Drugs

About 10 percent of 12-year-olds say they have tried alcohol, but by age 15, that number jumps to 50 percent. Additionally, by the time they are seniors, almost 70 percent of high school students will have tried alcohol, half will have taken an illegal drug, and more than 20 percent will have used a prescription drug for a nonmedical purpose. The sooner you talk to your children about alcohol and other drugs, the greater chance you have of influencing their decisions about drinking and substance use.

Not Talking About Alcohol and Other Drugs Still Sends Kids a Message

Kids don’t always have all the facts when it comes to alcohol and other drugs. If parents don’t talk about the risks of underage drinking and substance use, their kids might not see any harm in trying alcohol and other substances. Having a conversation allows parents to set clear rules about what they expect from their kids when it comes to alcohol and other drugs.

Short, frequent discussions can have a real impact on your child's decisions about alcohol.

Short, frequent discussions can have a real impact on your child's decisions about alcohol.

Talking to your child at an early age about drinking is the first step toward keeping them alcohol-free. But as they enter junior high and high school, the pressure to try alcohol increases. It's important to continue the conversation throughout adolescence.

Talking often builds an open, trusting relationship with your child.

Children are more likely to avoid drinking when they have a strong, trusting relationship with their parents. Get into the habit of chatting with your child every day. It will make it easier to have serious conversations about things like alcohol, and will make your child more comfortable coming to you for advice.

Lots of little talks are more effective than one "big talk."

Sitting down for the "big talk" about alcohol can be intimidating for both you and your child. Try using everyday opportunities to talk— in the car, during dinner, or while you and your child are watching TV. Having lots of little talks takes the pressure off trying to get all of the information out in one lengthy discussion, and your child will be less likely to tune you out.

When you do talk about alcohol, make your views and rules clear.

Take the time to discuss your beliefs and opinions about alcohol with your child. Be honest and express a clear, consistent message that underage drinking is unacceptable. When they feel that you're being real and honest with them, they'll be more likely to respect your rules about underage drinking.

As children get older, the conversation changes.

What you say to a 9-year-old about alcohol is different from what you say to a 15-year-old. Children also can't learn all they need to know from a single discussion. Make sure that the information you offer your child fits their age. As they get older, you can give them more information and reinforce your rules.

Remember that the conversation goes both ways.

Although talking to your child about your thoughts about alcohol is essential, it's also important to hear their point of view. Give your child the opportunity to ask you questions, and listen to what they have to say. Children who have parents who listen to their feelings and concerns are more likely to say "no" to alcohol.

What you do is just as important as what you say.

In addition to talking often with your child about alcohol, it's important to set a good example. If you choose to drink, you can positively influence your child by drinking in moderation and NEVER driving when you've been drinking. Be aware of where you keep your alcohol, and always remind your child that the alcohol in your house is off-limits.

Some questions about alcohol and other drugs can be hard to answer, so it’s important to be prepared. The following are common questions and answers about underage drinking and drug use.

As your child becomes curious about alcohol and other drugs, he or she may turn to you for answers and advice. Use this opportunity to start an open, honest conversation about drinking and drug use, and to establish or reinforce your rules and the behavior you expect. Because some questions can be difficult to answer, it is important to be prepared.

The following are some common questions and answers about underage drinking and other drugs.

Questions About Alcohol

"Why is alcohol bad for me?"

Don’t try to scare your child about drinking or tell him or her, “You can’t handle it.” Instead, tell your child that alcohol can be bad for his or her growing brain, interferes with judgment, and can make him or her sick. Underage drinking has severe consequences, including injury or death from accidents; unintended, unwanted, or unprotected sexual activity; academic problems; and drug use. Young people who drink are also more likely to have health issues such as depression and anxiety disorders. Once children hear the facts and your opinions about them, it is easier for you to make rules and enforce them.

“I got invited to a party. Can I go?

Ask your child if an adult will be present at the party or if he or she thinks children will be drinking. Remind your child that even being at a party where there is underage drinking can get him or her into trouble. Use this time to reinforce your rules about alcohol and remind your children of the behavior you expect. Let them know they can say “no” or text a family member a code word if they’re put in a situation that makes them uncomfortable.

“Did you drink when you were a kid?”

Don’t let your past stop you from talking to your child about underage drinking. If you drank as a teenager, be honest. Acknowledge that it was risky. Make sure to emphasize that we now know even more about the risks to children who drink underage. Consider telling your children relatable stories about making smart decisions when it comes to alcohol. These could be stories that show the consequences of engaging in risky behavior.

“Why do you drink?”

Make a distinction between alcohol use among children and among adults. Explain to your child your reasons for drinking: whether it is to enhance a meal, share good times with friends, or celebrate a special occasion. Point out that, for adults, drinking in moderation is not harmful to their bodies, and if you choose to drink, it is always in moderation. Tell your child that some people should not drink at all, including underage children.

“What if my friends ask me to drink?”

Helping your child say “no” to peer pressure is one of the most important things you can do to keep him or her alcohol-free. Work with your child to think of a way to handle this situation, whether it is simply saying, “No, I don’t drink,” or “I have a game tomorrow,” or “I have to go to work tomorrow."

"You drink alcohol, so why can’t I?”

Remind your child that underage drinking is against the law and for good reason. Point out that adults are fully developed mentally and physically, so they can handle drinking. Children’s minds and bodies, however, are still growing, so alcohol can have a greater effect on their judgment and health.

Questions About Marijuana

“Why is marijuana bad for me?”

Tell your children that marijuana use in any form is not safe for the growth of their brain. Explain that if children smoke marijuana, they could have issues with attention, concentration, and learning, which could cause them to do poorly in school, and creates a lack of balance and coordination, which could increase injury risk when playing sports or driving. Once children hear the facts and your opinions about them, it is easier for you to make rules and enforce them.

“I got invited to a party. Can I go?”

Ask your child if an adult will be present at the party or if he or she thinks children will be trying marijuana. Remind your child that even being at a party where there is drug use can get him or her into trouble. Use this time to discuss the risks of marijuana and remind your children of the behavior you expect. Let them know they can say “no” or text a family member a code word if they’re put in a situation that makes them uncomfortable.

“Did you try marijuana when you were a kid?”

An estimated 1.2 million youths aged 12 to 17 tried marijuana for the first time in 2017— that’s approximately 3,300 kids each day. Don’t let your past stop you from talking to your child about marijuana use. If you tried marijuana as a teenager, be honest. Acknowledge that it was risky. Make sure to emphasize that we now know even more about the risks of marijuana use for children. Consider telling your children relatable stories about making smart decisions when it comes to marijuana. These could be stories that show the consequences of engaging in risky behavior.

“If marijuana is legal in my state, why can’t I use it?”

If marijuana is legal in your state, young people may also have more exposure to the drug. State laws allowing medical or recreational marijuana use for adults could prompt more youths to believe that the drug is safe. It’s important to have a conversation with your children and remind them about the drug’s potential harms, and that recreational marijuana is still illegal for those under 21.

“What if my friends ask me to try marijuana?”

Talk with your children about having an “exit plan” if they are offered marijuana. Peer pressure can be powerful among youths, and having a plan to avoid drug use can help children make smart choices. Talk with your children about what they would do if faced with a decision about drugs, such as texting a code word to a family member or practicing saying “no” in a safe environment. Work with your child to think of a way to handle this situation, whether it is simply saying, “No, I don’t smoke,” or “I have a game tomorrow,” or “I have to go to work tomorrow.”

Impaired driving remains an issue that affects Americans every day. On average, three in five people will be involved in a crash due to impaired driving in their lifetime. Impaired driving can have serious consequences, including injury and death.

Impaired driving is entirely preventable. Know the facts, and talk with your kids about the dangers of driving under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

• About one in four teen car crashes involves an underage drinking driver.
• Every day about 800 people are injured in a drunk-driving crash.
• Every day in America, another 29 people die as a result of drunk-driving crashes. That’s one person every 50 minutes.
• Marijuana use is increasing, and 13 percent of weekend nighttime drivers have marijuana in their system.
• Marijuana users were about 25 percent more likely to be involved in a crash than drivers with no evidence of marijuana use.

Keeping Your Kids Safe

The most effective way to stop impaired driving is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Use the following tips when talking with your kids about drunk and drug-impaired driving.

Don’t Wait for the “Right” Time—It’s always a good time to talk to your kids about the dangers of impaired driving. Here are some common situations you can take advantage of to discuss drunk and drug-impaired driving:

• When your child asks to borrow the car;
• When you’re at the dinner table together;
• When your child asks if he or she can ride with a friend to school/a concert/a party;
• When you’re running weekend errands;
• When you’re at the grocery store; and
• When you and your child are in the car together.

Reinforce Expectations—Make sure your children know what you expect from them when it comes to impaired driving. Let them know it’s never okay to get behind the wheel of a motor vehicle while under the influence, and that getting in a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs is also dangerous.

Help Them Build an Exit Plan—Some kids may not know what to do if a friend or family member who is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs offers them a ride. Explain to your child that it’s okay to say no, and help them think through an exit strategy. For example, you can suggest:

• Calling a rideshare service or taxi;
• Calling a relative or friend for a ride home;
• Staying the night at their current location; and
• Convincing the person under the influence not to drive. Mention that drunk and drug-impaired driving is illegal and unsafe and suggest they find another way home.

Show Them You Care—Kids are more likely to listen when they know you’re on their side. Make sure they know that you’re talking to them about impaired driving because you care about their safety, not because you assume they would ever drive drunk or drug-impaired.

Some children may experiment with alcohol as they approach their teen years and begin to experience many emotional and physical changes.

Stress

When children worry about things like grades, fitting in, and physical appearance, they may use alcohol as a way to escape their problems.

What You Can Do: Encourage your child to get involved in sports or other extracurricular activities as a healthier way to cope with his or her problems.

Peer Pressure

The age range between 11 and 18 is an impressionable period when youth are especially susceptible to outside influences such as peers, family members, and the media.

What You Can Do: Help boost your child’s confidence by helping him or her learn different ways to say “no” and reminding him or her that real friends would not pressure him or her to drink.

Transitions

Life events such as transitioning from middle school to high school, breaking up with a significant other, moving, or divorce can cause children to turn to alcohol.

What You Can Do: Reassure your child that things will get easier, and make sure he or she knows that drinking is not a solution.

Learn how to tell if your child is drinking alcohol.

Warning Signs

Although the following signs may indicate a problem with alcohol or other drugs, some also reflect normal growing pains. Experts believe that a drinking problem is more likely if you notice several of these signs at the same time, if they occur suddenly, or if some of them are extreme in nature.

• Mood changes: flare-ups of temper, irritability, and defensiveness
• School problems: poor attendance, low grades, and/or recent disciplinary action
• Rebellion against family rules
• Friend changes: switching friends and a reluctance to let you get to know the new friends
• A “nothing matters” attitude: sloppy appearance, a lack of involvement in former interests, and general low energy
• Alcohol presence: finding it in your child’s room or backpack or smelling alcohol on his or her breath
• Physical or mental problems: memory lapses, poor concentration, bloodshot eyes, lack of coordination, or slurred speech

Finding Help

Do Not Play the Blame Game

It is hard for most parents to believe that their child might be caught up in underage alcohol use and in need of professional help. Do not feel bad if you did not see the warning signs until your child was in trouble or until someone told you about the problem. When most parents find out about their child’s underage drinking, they feel shocked and stunned and wonder where they went wrong.

In getting help for a child who drinks, the first thing to do is to try not to blame yourself or your child. The important thing is to act now to find the best available services to help your child stop using alcohol and begin building an alcohol-free future.

Talk With People You Know

If you are seeking treatment for a child’s mental health or substance abuse problem, you can start by talking with people you know such as family members, friends, schoolteachers, counselors, clergy, and your doctor. Your health insurance company can give you a list of mental health and substance abuse providers. If your employer has an employee assistance program, you can get a referral there. Your child’s school may suggest a good substance abuse treatment program. If not, the school district is likely to have a substance abuse prevention and counseling program. Contact them for help.

Contact a Professional

Your county’s health department probably has substance abuse services and is another good source for information. The county agency may be called “alcohol and drug programs” or “behavioral health” or it may be in a mental health services division. A call to the county health agency’s general information number should point you in the right direction.

Learn what you can do to prevent your child from drinking.

Be Aware of Factors That May Increase the Risk of a Child’s Alcohol Use, Including:

• Significant social transitions such as graduating to middle or high school or getting a driver’s license;
• A history of social and emotional problems;
• Depression and other serious emotional problems;
• A family history of alcoholism; and
• Contact with peers involved in troubling activities.

Be a Positive Adult Role Model.

• Stay away from alcohol in high-risk situations. For example, do not operate a vehicle after drinking alcohol.
• Get help if you think you have an alcohol-related problem.
• Do not give alcohol to your children. Tell them that any alcohol in your home is off limits to them and to their friends.

Work With Schools, Communities, and the Government to Protect Children From Underage Alcohol Use by Ensuring That:

• Schools and the community support and reward young people’s decisions not to drink;
• Schools and the community identify and intervene with children engaged in underage drinking early;
• Rules about underage drinking are in place at home, at school, and in your community;
• Agreements of acceptable behavior are established, well-known, and applied consistently; and
• Parties and social events at home and elsewhere do not permit underage drinking.

Support Your Children and Give Them Space to Grow.

• Be involved in your children’s lives.
• Encourage your children’s growing independence, but set appropriate limits.
• Make it easy for your children to share information about their lives.
• Know where your children are, what they are doing, whom they are with, and whom they are friends with.
• Make an effort to get to know the parents of your children’s friends. Share your rules about not allowing alcohol use.
• Find ways for your children to be involved in family life such as doing chores or caring for a younger sibling.
• Set clear rules, including rules about alcohol use. Enforce the rules you set.
• Help your children find ways to have fun without alcohol.
• Do not let your children attend parties at which alcohol is served. Do not allow alcohol at parties in your own home.
• Help your children avoid dangerous situations such as riding in a car driven by someone who has been drinking.
• Help your children get professional help if you are worried about their involvement with alcohol.
• Create a pledge between yourself and your children that promises they will not drink alcohol.

Underage drinking is associated with various negative consequences for children and can affect and endanger the lives of those around them.

Children who drink alcohol are more likely to:

Use drugs

Frequent binge drinkers (nearly 1 million high school students nationwide) are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, including using other drugs such as marijuana and cocaine.

Get bad grades

Children who use alcohol have higher rates of academic problems and poor school performance compared with nondrinkers.

Suffer injury or death

In 2009, an estimated 1,844 homicides; 949,400 nonfatal violent crimes such as rape, robbery, and assault; and 1,811,300 property crimes, including burglary, larceny, and car theft were attributed to underage drinking.

Engage in risky sexual activity

Young people who use alcohol are more likely to be sexually active at earlier ages, to have sexual intercourse more often, and to have unprotected sex.

Make bad decisions

Drinking lowers inhibitions and increases the chances that children will engage in risky behavior or do something that they will regret when they are sober.

Have health problems

Young people who drink are more likely to have health issues such as depression and anxiety disorders.

As your parent/mom/dad/caregiver,

• I promise to talk with you and answer your questions about the risks and dangers of drinking alcohol and using other drugs.
• I will create an alcohol- and drug-free environment that is safe for you and your friends.
• I promise to pick you up at any time or place if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation where underage drinking or other drug use is involved.

By signing this form, I agree to help keep you alcohol- and drug-free.

As your child:

• I understand that drinking alcohol and using other drugs is harmful to my health and can make me say or do things I might regret.
• I will do my best to avoid situations where my friends and others are drinking alcohol or using other drugs.
• I promise to call or text you to help get me out of situations where alcohol and other drugs are being used.

By signing this form, I agree to not drink alcohol or use other drugs.